Had a great weekend with h. He had the Guard so we couldn't spend the days together but we made the most of our time! Movie and a dinner Sat. night, lots of relaxation last night. It's wonderful to be with him.
My Saturday AM of pampering was FUN Had a massage and a manicure and pedicure. I didn't do the shopping I thought I would do...just seemed more relaxing to come home and nest.
A kind of strange thing happened after my massage. The masseuse came out to talk with me. She asked me if I had any questions. I said "No" (I was too relaxed!). She asked again Finally I said "Is there something that you want to talk with me about?". She hesitated and said "well, I know you said that you carry most of your stress in your neck. Well, I can feel a tightness in your whole body. And, it doesn't really feel like stress to me...it feels like guardedness...as though you are trying to protect something by closing off your body. I don't know...I could just feel a very self-protective tension in you...and it seems as though it might be keeping you from feeling really free."
I asked her what she suggested...she said so much of what I'm doing already...(eat right, exercise, meditation,etc).
My strong sense right now is that I need to let things be, let myself be, just relax. I think that trying to FIX this isn't going to be helpful. I think I need to just continue connecting with h...by doing the things that make us feel good and close...and just see if I can open myself up a bit every day. I'm still feeling afraid of being hurt but I think that's ok for now.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Had a massage and a manicure and pedicure. I didn't do the shopping I thought I would do...just seemed more relaxing to come home and nest. 
Finally I said "Is there something that you want to talk with me about?". She hesitated and said "well, I know you said that you carry most of your stress in your neck. Well, I can feel a tightness in your whole body. And, it doesn't really feel like stress to me...it feels like guardedness...as though you are trying to protect something by closing off your body. I don't know...I could just feel a very self-protective tension in you...and it seems as though it might be keeping you from feeling really free." 
