flowmom | need to commit to myself

[flowmom]

I am saying, because I lived it, that having the kids lets say 2 nights every other weekend sounds "fair" to me for the kids and your H.

H wants to immediately start 2 overnights every 8 days, so that would be almost double what you're suggesting.

How do you think they would feel if they see/saw their ONE full time parent, their pillar of strength, struggling, feeling sad, upset etc etc. You have to be teh consistent one, the safe one here. NOT EASY, I know... They take strength from you, not the other way around.

I think I am doing really well on this! At least what I project with my face and words. They must see and sense the shadow at times, but probably not in a way that they would directly associate with their visits with H. This is one of the things that I am managing to pull off because I am very clear on how important this is for the children.

The anger you witnessed is probably because of guilt and "internal pressure". My H did the same. Towards the kids as well. All that while living with us. When he moved out, most of it, like 99%, stopped

Interesting parallel.

I trusted him with the kids. I hope you do too.

I do.

flo, this is a fight. Fight for you life and their lives. Fight wisely and always look at the big picture. Reinvent yourself, grow, spread your wings. Make a plan to become financially independent, read, learn, laugh (and cry as needed). I told my H this time when he came around, one thing I am sure of now, is that any kind of love left for him, it is not because I need him, if I need him, it is because I love him (a little). 3 years ago, it was very different. I can do anything, or at least, that is how I feel. And that is a "useful confidence", especially in piecing.

This is a clear roadmap for me Kalni. I admire the journey that you've taken. It sounds like it's been really hard, and really rewarding. I hugely appreciate your wisdom and guidance.