It is also sexually attractive too. I remember one of the best times of my marriage was when we were at total peace, after our 2nd baby was born. I smelled like puke most of the time, he was overweight. But we were where we wanted to be in our lives, and it was hot. Not porno hot, which never seems hot to me, but real life hot. We looked like messes and we were in harmony with ourselves and each other.
I understand what you are saying about finding a place of harmony however marriage is not a stagnant institution. Eventually that harmony must evolve in some way. Obviously the harmony didn't evolve in a satisfying way for the both of you to maintain longevity.
I agree that in ALL marriages there are brief (or maybe extended) periods of harmony but the circumstances that helped create that harmony will always change. For example: your baby will grow up and not need as much as attention. Then what? One can't rely on a good chunk of harmony to carry them through a lifetime and some evolution has to take place. IMO people rely on natural evolution to "fix things" (EX: thinking things have a way of working out) when in fact sometimes some "manual labor" is necessary.
I like nice guys also. Guys that think they are bad ass are a total turn off to me and most women I know. I don't think the men contributing to this thread are really suggesting for anybody to become a bad ass. Think of your own situation and apply the same thought process. You said your H's affair was a deal breaker. Fine. I don't think anybody can blame you. You did not waiver on that stance because you were a Nice Girl. No. You would not stand for such betrayal and disrespect. That doesn't mean you aren't a nice girl. It means you aren't a Nice Girl.
