[quote=cesco]I guess this is where the phrase " nice guys finish last" would come from ? maybe yes maybe no, it fits though...
I guess as a kid I was always taught by my mother to respect women. There was no book on how too, but "be nice" was the words she used..
Ahh, but Grasshoppah . . . the secret is learning how to be a nice guy, without being a Nice Guy.
Just in case you are getting swayed with this talk, let's just say this advice is the pits.
You know who doesn't go for the Nice Guys? Nutso women. If you want a space-case, flakey, drama-seeking woman, then by all means, don't be the Nice Guy. You will probably get a lot of easy sex, since those women are bad at setting boundaries of what they think is appropriate or not.
You think we pursue what we can't have? Yeah, that's true...if you're 15.
If you are adult, you make good, healthy, emotionally satisfying choices. All of my friends who are divorced & now remarried, or widowed and remarried or married later in life, all of them chose the Nice Guy. Consistently, they are all very happy. And at peace.
If you're older than 25 and still going after the bad boy, well, that's a huge red flag.
If you are a Nice Guy by nature, don't change it unless you feel a need to. If your wife doesn't appreciate it, then it is her loss. HER LOSS. Don't let her deficincies corrode who you are. Stay true to your spirit, what you like most about yourself. From that positivity will come growth and from that, you'll be at peace with who you are and where you are in your life. That peacefulness is what is attractive. Someone who is at harmony with himself is attractive.
It is also sexually attractive too. I remember one of the best times of my marriage was when we were at total peace, after our 2nd baby was born. I smelled like puke most of the time, he was overweight. But we were where we wanted to be in our lives, and it was hot. Not porno hot, which never seems hot to me, but real life hot. We looked like messes and we were in harmony with ourselves and each other.
And, even if it takes years to find, and I'm not seeing anyone at all until after I know I'm clear from any STDs my stbx-h might have picked up when he cheated, I am certain I will go after a Nice Guy. But to each his or her own.
