I guess this is where the phrase " nice guys finish last" would come from ? maybe yes maybe no, it fits though...
I guess as a kid I was always taught by my mother to respect women. There was no book on how too, but "be nice" was the words she used.. My dad being from the old country was very "MAN" like.. It was only his way and for better or for worse my mother put up with it. It was the way it was and accepted that way. Please know that I am not saying this is right. I lived with that and wasnt always in agreement on his ways. Today its about finding the half way point so that the respect and the self worth is not jeapordized. I guess like all men on here we all thought that being nice was the right thing to do!... NOT!!
I truly believe that just before your married they should have courses on this kind of stuff. Teach both men and women how to become life long partners.
I can only say that I wish then what I know now. Life would be different. I had a session today with my IC and she basically told me that I need to do things that are shared on this thread. ( not bad on the eyes either) lol..
GAME ON!!!!..... LET THE CESCO TAKE CONTROL OF ME AND ONLY ME AND GAIN MY OWN SELF RESPECT AND PROVING THAT I AM WORTH IT!!!!..
I want to thank you for your continued support.. I dont post much as I am a rookie at this and feel that my advice is not senior enough.. I can only be supportive and continue to post. Its good for the anxiety..
Don't apologize for being a rookie, heck we're all rookies.
Get that anxiety under control, you have nothing to lose because technically you've lost what you had to begin with, it's already lost, you're fighting to get it back.
Let's get you started with some new points for you to consider going forward: - you don't need to pursue your wife, create some space, move in the opposite direction. Human nature dictates we pursue what we want and don't have but it also dictates that we run away from things that pursue us - you don't need to convince your wife that you're worth her approval, doing so communicates the opposite - you don't have to be worried about rocking the boat, afraid to upset your wife, rock the f!@#$* boat, it's OK, you won't drown - it's ok to mess up, don't worry about having alot to lose, technically you've lost it already but you're still worried about losing it, this is your anxiety talking and it translates in your body language and your actions towards your wife (a$$ kissing, supplicating, being overly nice, etc.) - if she rejects you it will be the most important event of your life and the end of the world..... no it won't. - you had better impress your wife as often as you can..... no you don't have to and it works against you if you try to do this - you should let your wife be in control of the entire situation you're in.... no you don't have to do that, it's ok to stand up for yourself if you feel she is taking advantage of you or using or abusing you, remember you have self-respect (and if you don't have self-respect put it on your to do list of most important things to do) - if your wife isn't interested in you, it must be your fault.... yeah partially but if another man is in the picture, there isn't much you can do about this except focus on living a great life for yourself and moving on, if she doesn't value you or the relationship she has with you, it's her loss, not yours, get into that mindset - "Nice guys" finish first and you had better be "nice" to your wife.... well I can agree you can be nice but don't be a "nice guy" who lets her walk all over you, being a doormat is extremely unattractive
