EVERYTHING will be on WAW's terms, do not pursue, work your 180's, and don't be at her beck and call.
I guess this is what I do not understand. How do you seperate the fact that it has to be on her terms and yet not get walked all over? I do not think she is walking all over me, but based ont he things I have been reading on here, neither does anybody in my position.
I have learned not to pursue. I have done a pretty good job of doing what needs to be done around the house and fixing the things in me that need changed. I also recognize that right now it is her that is holding any progress up. She needs to deal with some issues herself and I am tryling like hell to stay out of it and keep our son out of the house at least a few times a week for a few hours so she can be alone and work out some of her issues.
One of the biggest things I have learned is when I want to tell her I love her, I DO!!!! But only in my head. I picture her in my head and I tell her I love her and I hope she finds what she is looking for. It really helps me anyway.
How do I not be at her beck and call? If she asks me to do something around the house, don't I do it? I have done better about the IM'ing. If she IM's me at work, I give short answers and let it go. I have noticed that she has instigated IM me more. So I think what I have done already is working and I need to keep it up. But, what about housework and other things going on? Should we be talking about dinner plans and that sort of thing? This is the confusing point. It is natural to call and ask about these things, but do I wait for her to call? What happens if I go get something to eat and then she calls and says why did you not wait for us? I guess that qualifies as a "What if.." though doesn't it?
And what do you mean about doing 180's? This is very confusing and I have seen it all over the web site and it was in the book, I am just not following. Help me figure this out.
