My stich is under 'He is about to file, do I give up?' Not sure how to move it into this one, but thought maybe as D Day is now looming I should start a new thread.
So got the first part of the D today and in 6 weeks from the end of March my H can ask for the final D. I am sure how I am feeling at the mo. Really low, sad, disappointed, overwhelmed and also disbelief.
I have been with my H since I was 14 years, so dont know any other life and now I have to start again.
Just writing this post is bringing tears to my eyes. I have lost my bestfriend, my family and my dreams. My H has been the love of my life for 22 years.
How do I start again??
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
...Really low, sad, disappointed, overwhelmed and also disbelief...Just writing this post is bringing tears to my eyes. I have lost my bestfriend, my family and my dreams.
It is OK to feel however you feel. I strongly suggest feeling all those feelings, just make sure you feel them in private and away from H. let the tears and anger flow......
Quote:
I have been with my H since I was 14 years, so don't know any other life and now I have to start again. How do I start again??
I would like to suggest that you have a great opportunity here. Start with the 180's and GAL. Project happiness wherever you go. Focus on what is happening "RIGHT NOW". If you do not like what is happening, make a change. Keep making positive changing until you like what is happening. Read "the Four Agreements" if you have not done so already. Check out my first post and read those books. I frequent the self-help section of the bookstore frequently......
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Here's some tips that I've been using to get through it. Not might help, but then again, it might.
1. Remember it's HIS loss. That sounds cliched and I know it's easier to say than believe, but it's true. Don't diminish how important you are because one dude in the world doesn't dig you.
2. Trust the process. But remember you have to process it like a turd and not a word. (word processing). It's a bunch of sh!t you have to digest, but sooner or later everything will come out. Don't forget that some things, like gum or corn, are undigestible. Accept that you may never be a peace with everything that's happened, but you will be able to accept and move on from MOST of it.
3. He's not Jesus in Docker pants. I don't know if you're religious, but I have some religious beliefs. A friend told me this and it made me laugh so hard, which is something I hadn't done in a long time. It's good advice.
He's not special, he can't walk on water, turn water into wine, or raise the dead. He's acting like an arrogant fool and it's in part because he has two women fighting for him. Two people who love him and would do anything. Jesus had 12 disciples that loved him; He was a lot more humble than your husband, ya know.
(()) I agree w/ both of the above posts...this is a difficult time, but make the changes you need to make for yourself and try to find as much strength as possible. You have tons of people here who support you 100 percent. We want exactly what you want...
There is always hope but right now the hpoe you need to trust in is the hope for you...
We are all here, continue to post and remember that you have so much to give back to others
H sent an email today saying, that I need to treat him like a human being, if I have any questions I should just ask and there is not need for Ls.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH..,......
My response was: (shortened version)
Sorry you feel that way, this is my D as well as yours and I will seek advise where neccessary. We cant be friends at the moment, please dont expect me to trust you. I consider all the proposals you have sent and get back to you.
I know he was trying to bait me and I think I did a pretty good job of just stating my case, not assigning blame, taking responsibility for my feelings and setting a boundary.
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
I would have replied that you will treat him how YOU want to treat him and not what he dictates you do.
- he can choose to accept this and stop attempting to control you or he can suffer while knowing that you don't follow him around like a puppy dog anymore.
He's a cake eater, glad to see that you finally stopped serving him cake ;-)
Sorry you feel that way, this is my D as well as yours and I will seek advise where neccessary. We cant be friends at the moment, please dont expect me to trust you. I consider all the proposals you have sent and get back to you.
I know he was trying to bait me and I think I did a pretty good job of just stating my case, not assigning blame, taking responsibility for my feelings and setting a boundary.
Perfect.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
