No she is not there yet regarding 100% comittment to the marriage. She is going to have to eat a lot of crow because of how often she said the marriage was over, we are not compatible etc. etc, even though everyone was telling her she was full of Sh*t. She has low self esteem, with high intellectual intelligence. It will be tough for her to admit she was wrong and fell into the affair trap/addiction. She is slowly getting there. She facilates in and out of these emotional states and the other day she mentioned the whole thing was fake, like a fairy tale with an unhappy ending. But the next day she'll say something different. Some times the signals and "freudian" slips she puts off hints one day we will be back together and the next day she corrects herself. I truly do think it's a struggle with her pride and ego but obviously I will not be interested in a reconciliation unless I know she has checked her ego at the door.
As far as her being remorseful. I think she is to a point but she is not all the way there. I think she feels she got something from the affair (emotional awakening so to speak) and that is something she doesn't want to lose. I get it in a way. This affair has been a mixed blessing for me personally. VERY painful on one side but incredible personal growth and learning how to be happy despite all odds. She does feel alot of guilt for what she did.
You say I have answers inside. To be honest the answers change through out this process. They are only the answers in the moment. Perserverance and Time will tell. You are so right though about not being walked over.
All in all I see more progress than back slides. Baby steps so to speak but not enough for me to say "Oh OK this recon is going to happen".
As for my job loss, it gives me an excuse to get back into the house and bring this limbo to an end. I wish I had a different excuse but my severence package is pretty good and I should be able to find something in my field, albeit at a little less pay.
