In my H's cases he was a bit spineless but he was also plain old lazy. His dad is the same way. If somebody else will do it they will let them but have no problem complaining about the end result.
I always think back to when my grandfather died. It was really sudden, it was late at night when we found out, we were in the midst of a terrible snow storm and could not get a flight to save our lives. We finally found a flight only to get the airport the next day and find it cancelled. Of course, my sister and I were a weeping mess and in a total daze. It was the ONE and ONLY time I saw my H really take charge. He must have "argued" with the clerk at the ticket counter for 45 minutes. Not only did he get us on another flight, he convinced our connection to hold the plane for us for nearly an hour so we would make it. He wasn't rude to the ticket agent, he basically just said this is what needs to happen and I won't leave until it does.
I think of that day often and wonder why it took an absolute crises for him to take some sort of charge of things.
I never wanted my H to "take care of me" but I wanted to have a general feeling of him "having my back" no matter what. He always knew I had his but I never felt like he had mine when the chips were down. The way he behaved when my father died has burned a hole in my heart I doubt will ever go away.
It's not a man or women thing. In some ways I think it is a people thing. Look around. I am amazed at how sloppy people have become. I might not be Miss America but I certainly never schlepped around in sweats and a t-shirt when I was married just because I *was* married. My H didn't either.
I really don't know what the right answer is and I do think some power struggles between men and women are inevitable. Things such as income, child rearing and other "life issues" do force us to cross traditional barriers. I guess the key is finding a partner that is willing to learn to cross traditional barriers in a way that mutually benefits the R/family AND allows each gender to keep what is beautiful about them in tact and present.
