Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[tryingtilDorR]

The things that you typically should try to come to agreement with on your own are (from my own situation - yours might be different):

Child Support/Alimony - mediator will give you the initial numbers
Splitting assets - what will happen to your community property, like your home
Child Visitation/Custody schedule - what is the custody split (50/50, etc) and based upon that who gets kids when
What to file - you can do the agreement and then file everything together, or you can file for separation or divorce at the beginning, and then once you finish the final agreement with the mediator file that.

What I did with my W, who wanted to 'separate' but didn't really want to look at the big picture, was to force her to start workign on a final agreement so that she could see the reality of what things would look like in the end. All she wanted to focus on was separating and having me pay her to help her afford a place, but I told her I wouldn't do it until we started looking at the big picture and what things would be like if we ultimately divorce, since I viewed any separation arrangement as a temporary thing.

One issue we had was the assumption about how much she would be expected to work. We got an agreement on that only by working with the mediator. When it came to the rest of the story (how to split time with kids, what to do with the family home, etc) she paused and didn't really want to hammer any of that out yet, which tells me she doesn't have her mind made up about the final outcome.

You may learn a lot about your W's intentions once you get into the mediator.