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Well...this will unfold more in some upcoming posts (I have to get thru the hell of my work week + bury some ghosts!) but one of the things that I've been struggling with a bit this past week was h's statement of "you still don't seem happy" (said during the convo last weekend). You KNOW if you've read my threads that I've taken on a lot of the "our m. pre-affair was screwed up" responsibility...I've worked on my anger, my control issues, etc. And to hear h say a sort of redux of LAST YEAR's convo "you're still not happy" was alarming...and it kind of made me sad...and kind of made me mad (why is it always phrased in re. to MY feelings -- how about saying "I feel uncomfortable/angry/sad/mad because you seem unhappy"? or even more pointedly "are you unhappy about something?")




Sage,

This sounds to me like somebody's been cooking a stew. (We won't name any names. ) Main ingredients I see: anxiety, insecurity, caution, anger. I think both of you are going to hold onto some of those feelings for a while. Try to think about them as "junk thoughts". I suspect for a while, both of you will relate negative thoughts and feelings back to this painful period in your lives. With time, those thoughts and feelings will diminish.

When you get cut, you'll constantly notice the wound and the pain. It takes a while to heal. You'll end up with a scar, but over time you begin to forget about it until you seldom notice it. My point???.... Try to recognize these feelings for what they are - leftover thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

I suspect part of what is going through your mind are memories of the troubled times. Try to recognize that those are behind you now, but it will take time to bury those ghosts. I think for a while, there's going to be a little resentment (not sure that's quite the word I mean) from both of you. Don't let it continue to hurt you.

CoolHandLuke