Anne, I'm going to catch up on your other thread tonight - maybe I can be more helpful then.
Don't beat yourself up - hugs are NOT minor slip ups - an all out screaming match is a slip up. Just keep working at it day by day.... you are doing GREAT!!!
KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!! It seems like the right track for now. Clear 180's for you. Remember - it takes time and you are still pretty new at this particular 180 (two weeks if I read right?)
I would continue the 180 on your vacation - do whatever you want to do without him... don't invite him!! YOU be on vacation - don't worry about HIM.... Plan your time and if he asks to join you - great! - if not - great!...
As for the attractiveness/weight issue.... ONLY YOU can change that and it starts as much with how you feel about yourself and how you look. DO YOU feel you are attractive? Self confidence does more for men than your waist size. Losing weight/getting healthy takes time so you just have to work your plan there. I think someone recommended acupuncture - I'm a huge advocate of acupuncture!!! See a holistician and start getting your body right - the best thing you can do is get your body right. Two years of health problems dealing with Reg Dr's and now I only see the holistician. MHO - go organic - dump the junk food - dump the chemicals in processed foods and show your body how much you love it by what you put in it. You might be surprised what "alternate" therapies can do for conditions a reg Dr can't seem to figure out. These are changes you can make RIGHT NOW - before the weight comes off - to feel better about your body and properly caring for it. Outside we are a direct reflection of what we have put Inside - that's something you have total control over....
Along those lines - you mentioned he went to prostitutes - you make sure you get yourself tested for STD's. You should assume the worst until you know otherwise as far as the cheating goes. He's proven that he can't be trusted - you don't need to snoop to find out anymore - just don't give the trust back until he earns it. In the meantime - be careful!!
You and I are in similar sitches - check out mine for some of the good advice I've gotten.
I'll post more when I'm caught up. Just remember... just because he doesn't necessarily SEE what you are doing doesn't mean he doesn't NOTICE something is different. I wouldn't be surprised if his visits to the guest room aren't some indication of that. Stay the course... this is a long road...
More later...
T
Last edited by talia; 03/10/1008:01 PM.
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
