I do see very similar story lines. The waking up every morning at the exact same time, except for me it was 3:00, like I'd set an alarm. I'd go to bed optimistic, and wake up every AM having a nightmare about her leaving. I also lost 35 lbs in 45 days, still not exactly down to my ideal weight but making progress. I'm finally back to where I can actually eat three meals a day, but I'm eating healthy. I started smoking too much again, but that's tapering off and I intend to fully quit by April 1st. I did lose my temper several times with her, screaming and calling her terrible names. I regret the intentionally trying to hurt her, but I don't regret releasing the hurt and anger.
I've been seeing friends, including old & new female acquaintances, and not responding to emails/texts. I intend to be faithful to my marriage as long as it lasts, if only on paper. This is for my own soul if nothing else. But that doesn't mean I'm not moving on with my life. I'll date if it comes up, but I'll be fully up front about my situation. Wife and I agreed to a separation, no talk of divorce for now. I'll let her incur that cost, it was her idea to cheat and walk away. That said, I do intend to protect myself in any impending settlement.
Taking control of my life really started this week (it's only been 12 days since she moved out). With help from friends and family (and those on this board!) I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am fully willing to give my marriage another shot, but it has to be a two way street. I know exactly what mistakes I made in our relationship, and I intend to fix them, whether for myself, my current marriage, or for a future relationship. If she comes back, there will be full disclosure on both of our parts before she's allowed back in the house. There will also be a demand for two-way communication. At this point I have little hope of her actually coming home, so it may be a moot point. Right now I am moving on as if she will not.
