How do I act?

[Surviving03]

thank you!! i could kick myself for not waiting, I def got over excited. I thought ok, im gonna take this to the boards and see what they say but then i just responded anyways... and even though i waited a couple hours, that was nothing because he was at work and only gets a break to check his mail every couple of hours so it probably wasnt a wait for him at all....dang it dang it dang it! oh well.... I am just glad that the last time he wrote me he had mentioned "if my feelings change I wont fight it" and then almost 3 weeks later without hearing anything from him he says "we will see what happens"... so i think that deep down he knows its possible that coming home could make him feel different.

ok, so now with him coming home... I think I am still going to wait at the house and not go to the airport... and I know that i should NEVER be the one to bring up talk about our M. That first day is going to be so awkward... what if he wants to sleep with me? The DB coach said that I should but to let him know that I understand that it doesnt mean that it changes anything... how difficult is that gonna be??!! The thing is, since we have been separated for almost 7 months, neither of us have slept with anyone for that long 7 months... I think he will want to sleep with me at some point if not right away... But it makes me nervous that once he gets it out of his system he may start to just feel like ok, got that out, still dont think I love her... you know? Im prob over thinking it all.

Right now, my plan is to start marriage counseling by myself and start figuring out how to communicate better with him and how to not fight and how to show him respect and things like that. And try to work on having a positive attitude... and staying that way so that I can start getting better sleep and eating better... I have been such a wreck for a month straight now... I have lost 10 lbs, but I am already skinny so I look like a skeleton right now, I wake up all thru the night, my eyes are constantly red, I feel tense and I get muscle cramps and my skin is broken out and I just feel and look awful. Even now, i was feeling so happy after that email, and now i feel my nerves coming on again.. every day is one day closer to next Thursday when he comes home.

i CAN do this! i Can do this!!!! I CAN DO THIS!!!