help with a plan

[pigskin]

Like me and the rest of the men on here, one of the most frustrating aspects of DBing is our desire to see progress, and often times, immediate progress. I think you have to fight that desire/expectation because it leads to more frustration.

How to do this? Maybe eliminating the timeline you have in your head. If you can't do that, set something way out in the future, like more months than you think you can handle just so you don't get anxious. That may help you with staying patient and just working on yourself. I struggle with this a lot myself.

A recent example with myself is in my own thread. I had gotten completely detached and more in the "moving on" mindset. Then W and I had a good conversation that resulted in us agreeing to plan a date with each other. That idea got yanked out from under me the following day and set me back in to the mode of thinking too much about my W and our situation, forcing me to start over.

I guess what I'm saying is take any perceived progress with a huge grain of salt and do not get your hopes up at all. It's almost guaranteed to be followed quickly with a setback that will cause you emotional distress. Stay cynical with regard to progress and don't worry about what is in your W's head.

The bottom line is she is going to have to make the decision to return on her own, hopefully in response to your changes. She won't listen to your reasoning, so don't try to reason or convince her that she's making a mistake through dialogue. Learn from my mistakes.