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Hey Talia,

I don't know about him reaching out...really I just don't see that right now but I know I have to be receptive (for his sake) so he can open up - if he chooses to.

I have put in effort. What works with H is being nice. I've done that but know I need to be more consistent.

Last night he helped me put my new desk together and we had a glass of wine and listened to some music. He didn't look at his blackberry once. I think it's weird. The communication with ow has died down a little (just recently) or they are being more careful! He did take the BB to bed with him though!

My S15 told me yesterday, "mom when you went to bed dad was on his BB for like an hour texting." It was late - like 10:30. I did not ask son about this he told me on his own.

He came home on time yesterday (he's been saying everyone's out of the office) right now for closings.

I'm watching carefully.....


M44 H41
M20 T23
3 older teens
Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy"
EA Nov 09 w/coworker
Another PA in Mar 10
I Filed Apr 10
D final Dec 10
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Posts: 1,583
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luvless Offline OP
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Hey Talia,

I don't know about him reaching out...really I just don't see that right now but I know I have to be receptive (for his sake) so he can open up - if he chooses to.

I have put in effort. What works with H is being nice. I've done that but know I need to be more consistent.

Last night he helped me put my new desk together and we had a glass of wine and listened to some music. He didn't look at his blackberry once. I think it's weird. The communication with ow has died down a little (just recently) or they are being more careful! He did take the BB to bed with him though!

My S15 told me the night before last "mom when you went to bed dad was on his BB for like an hour texting." It was late - like 10:30. I did not ask son about this he told me on his own.

He came home on time yesterday (he's been saying everyone's out of the office) right now for closings.

I'm watching carefully.....


M44 H41
M20 T23
3 older teens
Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy"
EA Nov 09 w/coworker
Another PA in Mar 10
I Filed Apr 10
D final Dec 10
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,612
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Hi Luv,

Just chiming in... I have been reading along.

I guess my gentle suggestion would be to try and find a balance. Don't allocate so much energy to "watching for signs of OW" that you overlook anything positive that may be happening between you and your H.

It is doubtful one grand sweeping gesture will take place. Like always, it's about the baby steps!

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luvless Offline OP
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CG - hi smile

I guess I wasn't very clear there - I meant I'm watching our dynamics carefully.


M44 H41
M20 T23
3 older teens
Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy"
EA Nov 09 w/coworker
Another PA in Mar 10
I Filed Apr 10
D final Dec 10
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 3,933
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I forgave my H the day I figured out he slept with her. You don't have to tell him you forgive him, you forgive him in God presence. Like Jesus did on the cross.."father forgive them, for they know not what they do".

you must lift this burden off of you, and part of that is focusing yourself on God and losing your expectations of H, and becoming the best luv you can be.


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
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Quote:
I don't know about him reaching out...really I just don't see that right now but I know I have to be receptive (for his sake) so he can open up - if he chooses to


I don't think anything your H does will prove that he is reaching out. I'm not sure what huge falling star sign you are looking for.

your not going to get something enormous, you are going to get baby steps, and the steps he is taking are larger steps than most people see here.

you are self prophesying yourself into destruction. what you believe is going to come true, because what you believe has a HUGE impact on how you act towards him and what you do.

why don't you start pretending that when he comes home, he is wanting more time with you, when he helps you put together a desk, he is wanting to HELP YOU, when he wants a glass of wine, he is enjoying your company.

???? your killing me here.

(((luv)))


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
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Originally Posted By: S.T. _I Made It!
your killing me here.

Me too!

Now you know why I know a WAW is so difficult to turn around... and why I advocate "tough love" to guys on this board. Once a woman lets that concrete set around her heart... a man needs a sledgehammer to break through.


M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married
4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
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luvless Offline OP
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Once a woman lets that concrete set around her heart... a man needs a sledgehammer to break through.

No joke!

Last edited by luvless; 03/10/10 05:58 PM.

M44 H41
M20 T23
3 older teens
Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy"
EA Nov 09 w/coworker
Another PA in Mar 10
I Filed Apr 10
D final Dec 10
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,583
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ST - I have been praying and asking God to help me forgive him because I can't on my own.

I've asked for a sign...I guess this is it. Forgive your H luv...

Then we'll see about answering your prayers.


M44 H41
M20 T23
3 older teens
Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy"
EA Nov 09 w/coworker
Another PA in Mar 10
I Filed Apr 10
D final Dec 10
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,779
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Originally Posted By: luvless
Forgive your H luv... Then we'll see about answering your prayers.

Sounds good to me.

EDIT: But you forgot the most important one: Forgive yourself Luv

Last edited by Gnosis; 03/10/10 06:06 PM.
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