I do have her phone # and email. My cousin has wanted to call her and keeps asking when I will give her permission to do it. I'm passive when it comes to conflict, so I've not allowed anyone to do it. Plus up until now, I've been so worried about making my poor H even more mad at me. However, I no longer care what he thinks about what I do.
My take on this was always to neither ENCOURAGE nor DISCOURAGE my friends and family from making their feelings known. I neither whupped them up in to a frenzy about my wife's infidelity, nor did I discourage them from speaking their mind to my wayward wife.