I totally understand how the parenting thing blows up around the WAH's insecurities around leaving. My H does this too.
My answer is, "well, that's a consequence of you leaving." And walk away. HOwever, if he needs to be heard, what worked for me recently (lord knows it doesn't always - but hey, it's worth a try ) is the "listen and validate" thing. "I can see how you would feel that way" and "Tell me more about that" and "why do you think you feel that way".
The last thing sounds like you need to be heard as well. Hopefully if he feels heard you will get the same in return.
But it sounds to me like these are his insecurities. They are not yours to fix. You can listen, but if he continues to be angry and take it out on you, you can walk away.
Don't take the S talk personally. Ignore it. Sounds like that came after big escalation. That usually comes out of hurt and frustration, not a rational decision. Seriously, it's not the issue and don't waste your time on it.
H is feeling like a failure and you are feeling unsupported. THese are the core issues. Is there a way you can help each other navigate these feelings?
