Will I ever be forgiven???

[thegoodfight]

Mo2C,

I vaguely remember that sitch, I also remember your ex-h hopeing and believing things would work out. To answer your question honestly, that is between your ex husband, you and God as to if you are truly forgiven. For a long time I believed because I renounced my actions and acknowledged the hurt I inflicted on my Ex because of infidelity I should be forgiven. I also believed that because the divorce was so amicable, and it wasn't what I wanted; and I made the best efforts I could to "save" the marriage that she became the one guilty of doing wrong in the end because she said she couldn't forgive me.

Long story short it wasn't until about two months ago I realized this thought pattern was flawed. I am responsible for my past actions and I am responsible for my future actions. We get along fairly well, but it is tough sometimes, when I feel I am being mistreated or stepped on I walk away and remember I am dealing with a person I hurt very badly. Whatever I did can not be taken back it is locked in history forever, however you can apologize and show compassion and patience in the present and future.

I accepted I made a huge mistake, I apologized and even when I am "tempted" to fire back I step away or say something neutral or kind. The only thing that brings change is compassion and understanding. Try not to think of it as should someone forgive you, think of it as I made poor choices that were very damaging, I hurt my family, I hurt my spouse, but now I choose to make good decisions and put others feelings and needs before my own. It will take time but once your actions start to mimick your thoughts things start to change and all of sudden it isn't an effort you just realize that is who you want to be, not the selfish person from the past.

Best wishes to you and your ex and your new relationships. Don't make the mistake of thinking you are a lowly or an undesireable person, you messed up big, so many of us do in one way or another! Forgive yourself and start thinking and acting out of peaceful and prosperious intentions. Typically those that are not self serving. What ever you do, don't fall into the trap of thinking less of the person for not forgiving, excessive pride is at the root of most broken relationships and what keeps them from being mended. Have patience and give things time and an earnest effort and you won't be dissappointed in the results.

Peace and Prosperity!