Oh, I know I'm not qualified to play therapist--I was just giving a summary of some of the literature out there. I don't feel I'm psychoanalysing Little Miss, since she's not actually said she'd like to play therapist with the married guy. I'm only commenting on the advice she was given.
As Shirley Glass (among many others) points out, "The married lover frequently feeds into the other woman's perception that she is doing no harm. To keep his affair partner on the string, he feeds into her belief that he is stuck in an empty-shell marriage because of family responsibilities. But no matter how her married lover may have demeaned his wife, the affair partner who turns his wife into a nonperson is devaluing women, in general."
"The other woman may use rationalization, denial, or unconscious mechanisms to avoid feeling guilty. In some cases, she simply has no conscience about what she is doing and no empathy for the wife ... she is sabotaging."
"Assuming the role of family therapist is another way to assuage guilt. ... the affair partner PERCEIVES herself as someone who makes positive contributions to her lover's family life."
Who would want to put themselves in a position where they have to deal with incredible guilt, so much self-deception, and the agony they'll be causing another woman once she finds out?
Part of the reason only 3% of affairs result in lasting marriages is that, even in the highly unlikely event that the affair partners managed to be completely honest with each other, each one knows that the other one has a proven track record of lying to his/her spouse, sneaking around behind his/her back, and looking for a new partner instead of fixing problems in the marriage. It's hardly a recipe for everlasting trust and partnership.
