flowmom | need to commit to myself

[talia]

Hi FM,
I haven't read your entire thread but I wanted to chime in... FWIW...

It seems to me, with my limited knowledge, that you both love your kids. I think parents are pulled in the direction of feeling that THEY are the best person to take care of their kids - which is great until there is no "they" anymore. Reality is - if you D - your H is going to get the kids for some kind of schedule that probably involves more than one overnight a week. It might be best to work out the kinks now vs later. I disagree with your generalization that you should allow H to have them whenever he wants. That's the extreme - I don't think anyone here is saying that.

Give the two night a week thing a try - for say a month - and tell H that is the plan. That will give you three 8 day cycles and see how the kids do. If you don't have a psychologist for them - get one. They can be instrumental when the D negotiations come up, telling everyone what the true and objective affects really are on the kids. You will still have them 6/8 days - you aren't handing them over by any means.

They are still HIS children too and they need to spend time with him - just make sure you take it step by step. I would explain to H that you are open to trying it, that you are getting a child psychologist involved and you will re-evaluate after a month, two months, etc. Make it clear that if there are issues you will change it - and then give it enough time to really see if the issues pop up.

You won't know what will happen until you try it. Just remember - our lives are full of absolutely horrible things, that never happen!


Just MHO - Hope it helps!


T