So...huge argument last night. S18 was visiting, we were both looking forward to it. S18 gets snippy with both of us at various points in the evening. H makes legitimate point that he defended me telling S18 not to talk to me like that but when S18 talked to his dad like that I didnt say anything. Valid. I apologize. He continues and says that's not good enough, this has been going on a long time etc. I say OK so I will try to work on it. Not good enough, I don't understand how this affects him, sends him on a downward spiral thinking S18 resents him deeply for not only the last year but all the choices we have made that have affected him throughout his life and that we have failed him etc. Now, I'm getting upset... this is over the top, not fair to us, making assumptions about how S18 is feeling. When I try to say that, H gets upset how I don't hear him, understand him.... I get upset because I feel I don't deserve this and doesn't he realize how many of my needs are not being met b/c he is so depressed and I am trying to be patient and understanding.... I am really not feeling well, had asked for some TLC and he didn't respond earlier in the evening b/c he was upset with me about the above.
Long story short, it escalated to talk of S. I don't know if he meant it or was just mad. I am devestated, feel hopeless. Financial stress getting worse, feeling sick, lonely, unmet needs, overwhelmed, work is getting very demanding, raising teenagers is hard etc.
Honestly, I do not know how to get through this day let alone to continue with this.
Tried to talk to H a little this morning. He is pale, looks horrible and said "I can't go there" and left for work.
If you are inclined in that direction please pray for me. I am really struggling and I don't know how to keep doing this.
