I was reading what BND had posted about the Potter and the Clay when I came in here a few minutes ago; very inspirational, and a good example of how the Lord is always working on us.
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I wanted to say as I read above and how much all of this brings back the old feelings for you at times, I admire your courage to allow yourself to experience some of these things again (just to help some of us out). Thank you for that.
It's less painful than you think for me to recall those memories. There comes a time when time truly DOES heal all wounds, and the Lord wrought a healing within me, that went beyond my own understanding. Without that healing, I could have turned bitter, not just toward my husband, but toward all people in general; as I have suffered much in my lifetime..but learned instead as each healing as occurred, to draw on those experiences to help others. I could talk about some truly awful and abusive things that happened to me as far back as childhood; but those things don't affect me now, and unless someone brings a problem of that sort to me; it's never thought about. Much has been forgotten over time; and that is the way of healing, when it occurs. The memories, when they come back are viewed as a "fact", not a feeling; the feelings I do remember, but no longer "feel" them. It's hard to explain that to people who've never experienced this. Yet, if He had NOT helped me like that; I would be unable to do what I do; the emotional baggage alone would prevent me from being able to empathize with people's pain. In spite of all that I felt back then, I was STILL able to put it aside, and see past my own pain into other people's hurts. Through the helping of others, it speeded up my own healing.
I did STILL have to deal and work through, but did that on my own time when not helping other people through theirs.
There are others like me, I have met quite a few remarkable people in my lifetime; and if I didn't know their histories, I would never know the difference when talking to them...they are really special people, and I've learned much from each one I've encountered; and always hope I, too, can shine that kind of a light for others.
We were never meant to remember everything we endured/suffered/went through; the human mind would go into overload if we did. All that should remain is what we learned out of the experience, nothing else when the healing is total and complete.
He has had His hand on me as far back as I can remember; I was raised in church; as a young adult, I backslid hard running fast away for around 7 years. The death of my Dad was what brought me back to Him..and this time it was for good.
I asked Him to give me what He wanted me to have that He knew I could use, because, though, the bible says to ask for what you want, I had NO clue about that; and just simply asked Him to use me.
And He has, many times in so many ways. He's been with me for a long time; yet I never felt I was anyone special.
He's taught me many things, among those was how to relate to people, given me empathy to help give a shoulder to those in time of need. I'm what's considered a disgustingly cheerful person, even in the face of many trials, and though I get discouraged at times, He is always there to cheer me on; lift me up, accept me for who I am, forgive me for my wrongs, and most of all, He loves me.
He is many things to different people; to me, He's the best friend I've ever had in my life; I trust Him with everything within my heart, soul, family, financial situation.
He's blessed me far beyond measure, and I have often felt I owe Him...but it is like I came to understand; when He died on the cross for me, He made me worthy of all He has to give me.
And it is the same for others. Getting to know Him in a deeper walk has been and continues to be an enriching experience in my life.
Christian does NOT equal doormat, and he was really teaching me this through my husband's MLC...everything I learned and used in this trial with my husband went against what I'd been taught as a child, but the scriptures back these actions up, EVERY one of them.
I never dishonored my husband, but I STOOD up for myself, learned to take care of myself, doing it all without shouting at him or even getting angry with him. I remember attaining the peace that surpasses ALL understanding while within this trial; it seems to be given when you're deep within a long trial that contains many obstacles. When you need it the most; it falls, and it fell on me at one point.
God aided my efforts, but did NOT do it for me; He gave me the tools in the form of resources and people to help me, but again, He did NOT do this for me. There are certain things that are left for us to do, and we do them under His guidance and direction.
And I've done my share of those things, obeying Him in all things, and even when it doesn't seem to make sense, I do as instructed, knowing He sees the bigger picture; I do not; I trust Him, therefore I go forward with all the confidence in the world; knowing He knows best.
But, He doesn't ALWAYS provide me with instruction, then, I have to make up my mind, knowing He's left things up to me. I have no wish to do wrong; but trust myself enough to know what's best for me. If I'm wrong, He'll let me know; through a number of things; people are sent, I may get 'hit' with some directive, or as He often does now; He will speak to me directly.
The person I have become present day is a pretty patient one, though there are times I STILL get frustrated with people, but they never know it, until they are abusive toward me. I take care of myself, set proper boundaries, and know myself well. I'm at an age now(I'm 43, and I KNOW that's young to some people, LOL)that I have the attitude of take me as I am, or leave me alone. I will NOT allow people to continue to try and walk all over me or take advantage of me, I will eventually stand up and let them know that it's enough, they've gone too far, and I will remove myself from their presence. But, I have compassion for the hurting; love for all, an advocate for learning. I give my time to others, as time was given to ME when I needed it.
So, I give back when I can.
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I have asked God to please answer me. Is this the right thing for them? For Me?
I as a human being cannot answer that, He has to, but it is within my own experience that God allows us freedom of choice; that was given to ALL men as a gift. He will not tamper with that free will, yet He WILL advise us if we stay open to Him.
All confusion within must be settled, as He is not the author of confusion, also, He will NOT force Himself through that just to speak; as that violates our free will.
We must choose to be open to Him...and that is not easy to do; it is learned, not natural. And it is HARDER than you think to be able to learn to hear a voice within your head that you KNOW is not yours, but yet, it is a voice that is SO comforting, someone you know, but can't seem to put a name to. The Bible says My sheep hear my voice..and it's correct; you WILL know when it's Him. He's consistent and recognizable; there is also a unique way He reveals Himself to His children that only each individual would also know without a doubt that it's Him.
When He is silent on something, the choice is yours, and He will honor our choices as long as it is not sin or heading down a wrong path He doesn't mean for us to take that would take us out of His Will for our lives. There is His Will, and His "permissive" Will...a path destined for us overall, and an alternate path that is also acceptable due to whatever choices we make.
When I entered Truckdriver school years ago, I questioned Him as to whether this was acceptable..there were many things I could have done; but chose this; and He blessed it, opening doors for me, and I recognized those doors...I was still learning to see/hear His directives, but this one was an easy one. And He has blessed my chosen occupation ever since; even to the point of bringing me off the road for a little while to learn the inner workings of a trucking company in order to help me in what I do now on my job; as I work for myself now. If I hadn't learned what I did, I would have a very hard time dispatching myself on the loads I book for myself now.
If it had not been meant for me, I would NOT have been able to even get in the front door; and I knew that, having learned at that time to look for doors that would either open or close, depending on what He had in mind for me.
If what you're asking for is clearly meant to be, a door will open, and you will see it clearly; if not, look for doors to be "slammed" shut, and NOTHING will open up.
God is one, also in my experience of serving Him, that opens doors that man cannot shut, and shuts doors that man cannot open.
This sounds like a riddle, but I have seen many doors closed, and doors opened; He knows the heart and the need.
I have sometimes have had to "think things out" to understand the way He was opening up; sometimes it was clear as a bell.
He works in mysterious ways, and He knows what is good for each and every one of us. He is loving toward the left behind spouse; and He DOES allow things to happen to the MLC/WAS; in order to make sure they reap what they sow. He is the God of ALL THINGS, Maker and creator of all...HE is God; we are but dust of the earth.
It always humbles and amazes me that He chooses to look down and keep His Hand on me; and I've seen this same thing in many other people's lives.
Just as He continues to keep His Hand on you, taking care of your and the children; the evidence is there; He's not left you, nor has He forsaken you, R2.
I believe He is attempting to get through, speaking to your heart, but you are having trouble letting Him through...and I cannot instruct you on how to do that..it's something you must learn on your own. All I can say is this: in order to allow Him through, control must be given up, a way is opened within you and He comes in. I know, it seems to be another cryptic message, but it is the way I understand this.
You will hear me say, as time goes on, "What is God impressing upon you," "What has He told you?" I feel that you will grow in the area of being able to hear what He speaks to your heart. Gifts are gained out of this trial, as we walk down the path we are on, are obedient to Him, learning to trust Him in ALL things...things are added onto us. I know this from experience.
The answers are contained with YOU, we just have to find a way to access those. Each person contains the answers to their own individual problems, they just don't know how to get to them, and that requires someone else to help them "sort" through in order to reach a particular answer that is being looked for.
I will pray on this for an answer, as none is forthcoming at the moment, which tells me that He has left this up to you.
You know your situation well, therefore you are able to choose what will be good for you and the children.
These are some thoughts off the top of my head: The advice given before was and is to not make a decision of this type before you've calmed down, learned to breathe, cleared your head, and taken a good look at your options. That's good advice to take, as once you've come forward, you can never go back to what was.
A move can be unsettling to the children, as well as to you; and you have to look at your economic situation as well to see if a move would upset that.
Also, examine any other motives you may have for this move, and only you would know what they were; I cannot "pick" them out of thin air.
Each person must do what's best or themselves; the decision, ultimately, is up to you.
Will check back in later. Gotta run for now, they've gotten me unloaded here at my delivery point.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
