Question

[Lucky11too]

That is so good that the superintendent and everyone is trying to work together, despite the bad economy. It's been pretty bad in our local district with the superintendent and other upper people taking raises and bonuses, all the while cutting teachers, the libraries, etc. So sad for the kids.

No good about H. I'm sure he is just trying to figure out what he wants in life in a very short time, but it doesn't help the situation to just avoid it. You've done your part to try to encourage communication, so it really is in his hands now. It's sad to sit back and watch him throw his life away, but he has the chance to make it all right, yet he continues to choose not to. We all have the ability to change (despite what he thinks he knows about pyschology - as you and me are both proof of & as are actually many of us here on this site), he just has to be willing to. Hope he can realize that. His life is in his hands right now and it is definitely his decision to make. He can't force this decision on you b/c it is pretty black and white for once - either come home & no OW, or don't come home & D (although him coming home is still tricky b/c you will have to confirm that there really is no OW, but on the good side, he does seem set on not coming home & hurting you again). But either way, you are strong!

[awest1217]

Starting to get really frustrated about H not contacting me this week. Does he really think that if he decides to come home that I am going to let him when he has been not talking to me all week? maybe that is exactly what he wants. Me to say no you can't come home so I look like the bad guy.

Found out OW's H has been gone since the end of last week to the end of this week...

[awest1217]

Getting more and more irritated. I don't know if it is the sitch or I am getting sick, but I have been so tired this afternoon. I just sat on the couch and did nothing...S was cute. I kept saying not today, mommy's tired. He then cleaned everything up without me asking before getting ready for bed. Yeah!

Going to try to take a bath so I don't text H and let him know how frustrated I am.

[ClingingToHope]

Just a thought. You haven't talked much about GALing lately. You seem very, very, very focused on H. This is the pot calling the kettle black because I'm having problems keeping W off my mind, but shouldn't you try and focus on something else.

[awest1217]

The problem is that I can't do anything by myself, but I have been doing a lot, I just haven't posted here. I have a 2 year old who for some reason is acting out at daycare by being very aggressive and hitting his friends, plus he is very attached to me lately, and since he is newly potty trained...I have to keep my options close to home. Plus nothing for child support yet this month so I have to skimp because I bought S new clothes, which he needed, but now little money...it would be fine if H pays the child support like he has the last few months.

We have been going to the park, Monday we went to the park with my brother and his family. Sunday we went out to eat with a lot of our friends from church. Saturday we went to the mall and did many household chores. We have been doing something everyday, which is probably why I am so tired. I need some time to just sit and relax, but I can't because I told H I would like an answer by today, and well...I haven't heard from him in three days. Plus if he does or doesn't leave, I have a lot of stuff to do to get ready, especially if he doesn't come home. All of his stuff here I want out this weekend when he moves. So I agree I have been thinking about H a lot more then I should be lately, but with the deadline looming, I am excited and anxious to know what path my life is going to take.

[Kalni]

Hey, dont you sleep? What's the time over there?

Anyway, just wanted to say, get ready to be put on hold with a "dont know what I want yet, I love you, talked to my parents they will have me temporarily, for a couple of weeks till I decide" or something similar...
K

[awest1217]

Yes, I do sleep. It was 6 am in Indiana when I posted. I get up at 5:45 am every morning to get myself and S ready for the day because I have to be at work by 7:30 and I like to get here a little before that. This is why I am in bed by 9 pm. Early but I need my sleep.

I agree K. I am sure H is going to do that, but I have made it very black and white for him. He comes home and works on us or he moves someplace else and we don't. Even if it is his parents, it has been a year of separation and if he doesn't know by now what he wants in life...too bad. I deserve to move on with my life without the constant worry he is going to pop up at some time to ruin everything. I am hoping the clear cut come home or not leaves no room for the ambiguity I have faced for the past year. He has to decide because "I don't know" doesn't work in this sitch. Either home or not, there is no in between here.

Still no contact and I am wondering if I should contact him tonight to ask if he has made a decision. I know I shouldn't and I am going to keep myself busy tonight to keep from contacting him. I need to go grocery shopping so I am going to do that, then tomorrow is a church night so no worries there, Friday we have a special youth rally so I will be going to that (maybe pizza if my in-laws call, but who knows), and Saturday he will either be moving home or not so that will be that. I am not going to be the one to break the silence.

Either choice is going to be hard. That is the bad part of these sitches. There isn't a "right" or "easy" answer. He says he wants to come home and we have to work on rebuilding trust, which with the text last week...I don't know if that is possible. If he says, I don't want to come home, I am going to be going through a divorce and one day he wants everything while the next he wants nothing and to move out of the state so it is going to be hard there as well. At least I won't be on this wheel anymore. Once I know also I can file the taxes and get my tax return. Depending on how much I get back, I have my eye on a new dress for easter that I would need a cardigan and shoes for, plus painting S's room, nad a few other things.

We will see.

[Lucky11too]

I agree with you - this pretty much needs to be black and white, otherwise he most definitely will drag this on forever. It's not like you're pushing him last minute either - he's had plenty of time now (a year!) to figure out what he wants with you. Hopefully he's doing a lot of thinking during this "quiet time" right now. I think this weekend is really going to be a reality check for H if it gets to the point where all his stuff ends up at his parents house! But at this point, as curious as you are, there really is no point to contact him. He knows what he needs to do now. It would have been nice if he would give you the heads up one way or another, but in reality, you don't have to do anything (the move) until the weekend. It is hard though and it's still a difficult road ahead whichever way it goes. Luckily, no matter what, you have S, and that makes it that much easier. Who can resist a "you're beautiful, mommy". Aww, so cute. =)

The life of a single mom, huh? haha. Yeah, I go to bed at 9 too. I feel silly when I tell people that, but hey, we're working single moms! I get up at 5:20 so I can get ready before S gets up at 6:30, since he gets himself into trouble too easily!

[awest1217]

Still nothing...

Tonight instead of grocery shopping, S and I raked the backyard of all the spring leaves, and I got to use my new leaf vac from Christmas from my parents. A very productive night. Now to finish S's bath and dinner. Then my bath and bed. I have blisters from raking, but it is worth it. This is the earliest I have done the spring raking so I am hoping this will help the grass grow more and I can plant some more grass, plus then I will have more time to change things instead of doing the piddly stuff.

[ClingingToHope]

I wouldn't contact him. You've made it clear. It's up to him. Let the silence ring in his ears.