Will I ever be forgiven???

[BigJohn]

Hi Big John,

I appreciate your candor. Your sitch is a bit different than mine in that our children do not know about the A. In time i am sure they will know and i will deal with it when they are older. I don't ever expect that they will understand but i just hope they will be better able to see things from both sides and not be so angry at me. I truly fear the day my children know the whole truth.

Mom,

Thank you for accepting my frank feedback and being accountable for your actions. I also want to acknowledge your bravery for posting here to seek what has to be tough feedback for you. I respect you for that.

I'm glad that your kids don't know about the A right now- they have enough to deal with as it is. But your fear regarding the day they do learn the truth is well founded. Expect a lot of anger and resentment from the kids along with wounds that may not completely heal. I speak from experience as my own mother inadvertently got entangled emotionally with OM during a rough patch in her M to my dad while I was a teen. The EA ultimately led to her filing for D shortly before my dad died unexpectedly from a heart attack. So I have experienced this type of betrayal twice so far in my lifetime. I don't share this information looking for pity- I've never disclosed this info before in any of my posts. I do it so that you can understand where I am coming from and put my comments to you in the proper context. And, perhaps give you some things to consider as you are working through your present sitch.

Yes this new man knows ALL about my D. He is/was the OM. That fact alone is what I believe will hinder me and XH to ever really being friends again. I am sure your (and others) response to this will be, make a choice between XH and BF - but it is not that simple, not for me anyway.

I don't quite follow you about making a choice between OM and XH. You already made your choice- the choice was the OM. Given the circumstances, I don't think that will hinder any friendship between you and XH- I doubt very much that there can be friendship with your XH when OM is still present. I think mutual civility between you and XH is a more reasonable goal.

Your thread interests me. I hope you find my feedback useful and that I and the others are able to help you in some way. I have a feeling that the insight you share here will be of benefit to I and the other LBS'.