flowmom | need to commit to myself

[Kalni]

Part of the tricky thing is that they love novelty.

Good, would you prefer it if they were upset, complained, didnt feel safe with their dad?

They're not great with transitions, though.

You know best but I have a feeling they will surprise you as long as their dad makes them feel loved. PLUS, do NOT, I repeat DO NOT borrow troubles from the future. If indeed something goes wrong, you will be ther, watching like a mama bear to do what you have to, to protect them.

I would expect that to become more of an issue over time, but it wouldn't necessarily be obviously directly correlated.

Could be that it will get worse. My experience says, it will get better (as long as their dad behaves as their dad of course). I remember, deep inside, wanting my kids to be upset, to complain, to show him they were upset. VERY selfish, I know. I am ashamed of myself. But I am being honest. I was hoping they would force him to think again. Once I figured it was in mine and their best interest to have a good time with theri dad, connect and bond, I was able to be happy with their excitement, not feel jealous of the 400$/per night hotels, or the gifts etc. (at least I had my feelings under control).
I did point out to H when I thought he was overdoing it and he always listened, I did notice how the kids felt/reacted when they returned home, but I stopped having arguments for the "sake of the kids" when it really was for the sake of me. And H noticed that. I actually ended up FORCING him to spend more time with them and told him I would go for shared custody instead of having sole custody on my own. Guess what? He tried to convince me it wasnt legally possible... He didnt want to share the custody.

I am just trying to point out, that you should try and stay positive. For the kid's sake.
K

PS Like it or not, IMO, you have great responsibility of how kids react to this phase. They pick up things, they watch you, overhear your calls, feel your warmth, sense your insecurity, feel your sadness. I chose to show them in the begining I was upset and very sad cause I couldnt fake it, crying 24/7, looking miserable etc etc. I think that hurt them most. When they saw me happy, they were different kids. I cant change the past but I can sure tell you about my mistakes to protect you from doing the same.