he would say things like I'm not coming back home nothing has changed.
So you might want to consider what Lotus was telling you!
About NC...there is another option, called Plan A but it is usually followed by NC.
Plan A is where you expose the affair but also bust your butt making improvements for yourself and in areas where your H complained, you never pressure or talk about the R, you are happy and fun, GAL, mystery.... the whole shebang.
The point of it is to let your H see the changes you are making, but you really must make changes that you want or else it will come across as fake, and if you D, it will have been a waste of your time! But if you make the changes you want (or need) and still D, you will be more improved for the next relationship!
Ok well then after a period of time (www.marriagebuilders.com and Dr. Harley's book "Surviving an Affair" explain all this in great detail) you then submit the NC letter. I really like the one in mb28's thread because it is so positively stated and won't turn off the WAS but also lets you establish your boundaries.
You are not doing NC now....but I get the sense that you think it is a good idea to get on your H's good side. So if that is the case, then consider Plan A. I think it's only supposed to last 2-3 months though!
No matter what you do, stick to the strategy. A bad NC makes things worse! So if you NC do it all the way. If you can't, do another strategy "all the way!"
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
