When you first find yourself here.

[HeartsBlessing]

Hello Everyone,

This is NOT a flame, but only my thoughts; take it or leave it.

***note***The questions I ask within this post require NO answers, they are for thinking purposes only, and intended to make people think about what they say BEFORE they say it. I'm just as guilty as most for sometimes not thinking before I speak, I make NO excuses for what I say, I simply take responsibility for it when called on it, apologize and make amends if they can be made, going on.
I am NOT responsible for any misunderstanding that comes about because people are either twisting up what I've said or deliberately ignoring the advice I give.
That is NOT my problem, and I will NOT make it mine.

If the joke about diapers, baby bottles and baby food offended ANYONE; it was NOT meant to do so; and I do apologize. I was relating in a hilarious way to Jack's post about feeding and burping people on advice, and that is how I took the statement; and I do believe I am NOT the only one who did take it that way.
And to say I might actually feel this way was WAY OUT OF LINE, as I DO NOT.
That is twisted thinking presuming you know how I think, when you DON'T.

Take some healthy advice from one who knows:
Don't ever say things and not expect the person it's said to not to say anything about it, and be prepared to hear something you do NOT like.
Each person is entitled to their opinions, sure, and I can live with that, can you?

If you get mad at anything I've written here, well, sometimes you have to get mad in order to heal the problem within YOU. You gotta get glad in the same britches you got mad in, eventually, and that's a fact.

I make my own mistakes, and will admit to those mistakes, not anyone else's.
That said, I have NO interest in the feuding that must have been going on since BEFORE I got here.
But, somehow, I seem to have gotten dragged into it; I don't know what the intentions were/are...if it was meant to "railroad" me off this board; you will NOT get your wish.

I will leave when I'm good and ready to do so; I've done NOTHING to anyone that I can see that would even be remotely wrong. I may have stuck my foot in my mouth a few times, committed a "tongue in cheek"..but nothing that would warrant the type of behavior I've seen out of a few of you.
I'm just here, and an unwelcome guest, is that it? Do you feel "threatened" by me?
Am I getting warm, or even hot with that question?
You shouldn't be, as my intentions are pure, always have been. I'm here for my own reasons, not to upset the status quo here, or even to "take over" and steal the show from anyone.

You actually ought to be GLAD someone is willing to come back to help for awhile instead of being jealous of the attention they get. I didn't ask for people to start "grabbing" onto me when I arrived, they just did...and they shouldn't be afraid to ask any one of us for help if they need it.
But they are, because of people's "jealousy" for the spotlight, and I think that's downright disgusting.

In case any of YOU don't "get it", you represent certain things to the newbies and others who come in search of help...you represent "help" "hope" "love" and a sense they are NOT alone in their struggle with this.
It's time all of you remembered this and many other things instead of sniping about who is asked for help....this is STUPID!

What follows is a generalized post, not directed at any one person; but if it hits you wrong or otherwise, you know who you are.

You can say whatever you want about me, you cannot hurt me personally. I don't have to live with you, associate with you, nor do I have to do anything I don't want to do.

Whatever you say from here on out, though, is a reflection on YOU, not me.

I've read every post here on this thread. I don't anger so easily any more..that was a change I welcomed when I finished my own growing process.

I am what I am and have become over the years. What's been said to me and about me, on this thread is nothing in the scope of a bigger picture.
In ten years, or less, it won't matter, anyway..most of you will have gone on to better things, and better lives.

It is all too easy to attack someone you cannot see, that cannot get to you, if that poster was of a mind to, and all too easy to forget there is a PERSON behind the keyboard of each computer at ALL times with feelings, etc.


IF I reconsider my time here, it will be because of the ATTITUDE that is prevalent here; this doesn't seem like a good place to be right now; and I felt it when I came back this time.
It's a totally DIFFERENT atmosphere than what it was since I was here before; and I DID almost leave not long after I got back here.
I'm still here, though, and will stay on for awhile, regardless of what anyone here thinks.

Regarding the disagreement about "leading" and what I meant by that; OP was correct in his interpretation, FWIW.....

I MEANT what I said, when I spoke of someone always needing to be here to lead...but I didn't mean ONE person; I meant people whether's it ONE or MORE who've been there, done that, knew how to begin to assist/help new people begin to make their way.

Do you really think people can ALWAYS make it alone? Some need help finding a direction to start in. You may say you probaly didn't need help in the beginning, but I don't believe that for a minute.

I'm NOT a callous, unfeeling person, never was and never will be, and all I care about are the people here that are hurting; not those of you who have problems with ego, and really do need to grow up some more.
And you know who you are.

One other thing that seems to be lacking is COMPASSION for others, especially the MLC'er. One piece of evidence I saw lay in a post about the MLC'er's appearance that has since been buried for lack of interest. And I can see why.

No matter how my husband looked during his MLC, it was NOT a subject for jokes, and to me that particular thread was in VERY bad taste.
In my opinion, it was also VERY disrespectful, and the poster who objected to it had a right to.
And that person got insulted and ridiculed, and belittled. What kind of example is that to set? We are judged by the kind of example we set for others, and I do bear that mind each day as I go through my life.
You may think it's funny, but unless you've walked that path, you've NO idea what your spouse went through, and since perceptions are skewed during MLC, they had NO idea of how they looked; only that they looked "cool".
Afterwards, it is a source of shame for them, something they would rather forget.
What if the shoe was on the other foot? It's something to think about.
I started to post this opinion on that thread, and changed my mind because the thread did NOT deserve any time to be seen again to intensify someone's hurt, wasn't helpful, and people, no matter what they do, do NOT deserve to be made fun of.

There is enough misery here without creating any more through unfeeling threads.

It seemed to be all right to put something like that up, as I did read who was laughing within the thread; but my response to Jack about "spoon feeding and burping people on advice" wasn't? I've apologized for that mistake at the beginning of this post, as insult to anyone was NOT my intention, but laughing at the MLC'er doesn't fall under the same heading? Why? Because they're different you think, because someone else posted that, and you agreed with it, but not with me and this entirely different situation?
It could be looked at as the SAME thing, if you think about it.

I KNEW I would get flamed for it, and waited on the flame to appear, and it did.

Did it even occur to any of you that that very statement itself could have been or could be, construed as offensive, even if I hadn't posted ANY answer to it?

People do not want to be regarded this way; as being compared to children/babies in the giving of advice; there is such a thing as dignity and respect; and I could have posted a total objection the other way, and actually started to, but didn't.
I already know if I had, someone would have disagreed, as it always seems to be a fight to prove me wrong; what's the problem with this picture?

I'm being blunt, straight and to the absolute point. This is ridiculous that it has to come to this.

For your information, it was ALWAYS my habit before NOT to read other people's answers before I posted my own.
Not that I think mine are better, but it was for good reason.
I learned this a long time ago..it is all a part of being an INDIVIDUAL.
Reading another's answers before answering with your own view, can have the tendency to "color" your perception, instead of really looking within for your OWN INDIVIDUAL answer; which may something different, but no less important than another's.
The differing viewpoints, are actually GOOD things, and can be sorted by the recipient for what one would need to deal with whatever aspect is being dealt with in MLC or whatever the problem.

Besides, I even said I DID read other people's answers AFTER I posted mine; just to see what others were saying.

I have NEVER expected ANYONE to "back me up", nor do I expect anyone to read my answers before posting their own...each person is DIFFERENT, get it? DIFFERENT, each situation is DIFFERENT, and no one's answer is TOTALLY EVER RIGHT..one may see something that another doesn't see.
COLLABORATION is always a good thing...that's why I invited all of you onto the Q&A thread that I set up; I wasn't trying to shut ANY of you out.

You really don't know me; and I could care less what you think of me. Neither have any of you even BOTHERED to get to know me..some of you have harrassed me, presuming to tell me what to do and how to do it.....I've ignored it and taken the high road until now.

I seem to have stumbled onto someone's territory, people think they are being "threatened"; that's ALSO the feeling I've gotten.... but the last time I checked Michelle owns this board, not any of you.

I also remember seeing people come back in that were where I am now, when I was here before, and people flocked to ask them questions..I was a mentor by then, and didn't feel in the least threatened, I even had questions to ask, as these people were far beyond where I was.
I wanted to know what it was like down the road from THEIR point of view.

I was grateful for any time I got from them, because I knew they did NOT have to even come back and stay for any length of time, they were done with this.
This was a place I wanted to reach myself, and so I drew upon their wisdom.

I, like you "old timers" had done quite a bit of work, but there was SO much more to learn..or maybe my attitude was and is a lot different, and this is NOT an arrogant statement, it is who I am.

We can always stand to always learn from others who have been this way before, and went on to greater and better things.

And you know, it's a shame if you can't feel the way I did about people like me that have progressed beyond this time in their lives, and are willing to come back for a season to help.
There were people as I remember, who reacted in the past the SAME way some of you have present-day toward these "Wise Ones".

And that was a shame in itself, because we could have learned a great deal, if minds and hearts would have stayed open. But they didn't..and these people left again after a very short period of time.
That, to me, was the closeminded people's LOSS, and I see this in hindsight.

I have never minded being asked to look in upon a poster, I don't have ANY ego, or illusions about ME. I don't feel any "pressure" of any sort.
It's a privilege to be able to use my experience to help others; I cannot help anyone until I have walked that same road, taken that same path.
It was NEVER a burden or a "duty" it's something I just DO. No one has ANY reason to be "threatened" by me or anyone else who has experience to share.

I never said I had "all the answers" NO ONE DOES.
I simply do the best I can to answer, and that I have always done.
It has actually surprised me to have people even ask for my opinion, I'm not someone they know personally.

It is within me to help people..why is that such a bad thing here?
Why is it that because I'm asked for help it seems to be "offensive" to you? I'm NOT like THAT. I've always welcomed ALL the help I could get, and never had a problem sharing things with others...I don't understand this attitude at all, and probably never will.

Anyone here on this thread who has a problem with me, will need to look within to see what the REAL problem might be..it's not with me, doesn't have anything to do with me; I'm just an easy target, because I'm HERE at the moment, and not elsewhere.

If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else. You may deny this, but you may also find with a little honest soul-searching, it's the TRUTH.

And I'm tired of continuing to overlook the problems here, and watching them get bigger by the day.
Also, I see/feel the fear here, and there shouldn't be any at all. People are scared enough in their very lives; this place should be a "safe haven" for the hurting, and it's NOT.

Things need to CHANGE.


Jack,from the bottom of my heart, you actually did ME a favor by posting this opening thread, and though again, I made a mistake, sticking my foot in my mouth, LOL,....it helped to bring some things to a head, and I thank you for this opportunity.