flowmom | need to commit to myself

[newmama]

I totally agree that based on everything I read, part of the WAS script is "oh the kids are fine! THEY LIKE this arrangement!" blah blah (just re-read Kalni's first paragraph)

And ohhh yes- the mirroring effect.Have you been putting on a happy face when the kids stayed at their dad's? Encouraged the KIDS to have a good time? I can see you doing that!

As for letting him take the kids an extended time....will you write this out on a monthly calendar so the kids know when they are coming and going? It looks confusing!

But why not a compromise? And where are you getting this custody schedule from anyway? I see the 180 opportunities- not arguing with WH and saying "I changed my mind. Go for it! That will give me time to focus on my life as well" because he will see how freaking hard it is, the kids will not act like it is fun forever so he will see it hurts them, and he could get nervous about what you are doing when you don't have the kids and are "focusing on your life."

HOWEVER- as I know you know,loving mom! What is best for the kids? Seriously- how will they handle coming and going? Is there a way to test it out? I don't know. I guess if you ever did D they would have to live that life (as would my S). One could argue that they could sacrifice this crazy life for a temporary while until you get to recover your marriage- that it is better to sacrifice in the short term if it improves the likelihood of recovering your M.

Also- the way you communicate with him (calm, give more than you take, avoid sounding defensive) will help show the 180 in your behavior. As for how often he gets the kids...tough call. (I vote for gradual-but it is none of our business- and DO NOT assume he is going straight to D without passing Go! Maybe he is just trying this identity out- I don't know!)