still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

[newmama]

Thank you Saint! I will tell you that the only problems that I can pinpoint that I was responsible for were that I was a workaholic UNTIL the summer(08) when we started spending time with OW and others from WH's work. The very next fall(08), I was working reasonable hours (I am a teacher) and for the rest of my career I will have it under control (except for conferences and report card time).

I did take him for granted by talking too much to my friends on the phone when we were just hanging out after work. He would complain about it from time to time then say "well it is up to you. If you want to, then do it." BUt he was not preventing me from doing it- I really just got caught up in my friend's problems. I learned from my DB friends that it may have bothered WH because just spending time in the same room together makes him happy. I sometimes talked on the phone because he was surfing the net.

The frequency of sex slowed down but it was gradual and then our slowest point was temporary-I think about 6-7 months of 07. Turned out I had an ovarian cyst that was wreaking havoc on my hormones. It was removed Jan 08 and voila! Libido was back!

WH had a work trip with OW and others following my surgery (it was only about 3-4 weeks before we could ML again). It was during this work trip that he got to know OW better. I will always wonder what happened...the minimum that I know is he went to dinner and a movie with her (no one else) due to a delay in their flight! Oh and didn't think to tell me until after he got back!

So March 2009 WH told me that I did nothing wrong, he was confused, he never expected to meet someone like OW, he was more attracted to her than anyone ever, seemed to have forgotten our first couple of years together I guess, ESPECIALLY the first year! lol.

But he said I was great at giving him enough admiration and we got along great. He said he wished I was able to wrestle around more (WTF? I am not into rough housing on the living room floor!) and that I was attractive, he just was not attracted to me anymore and he didn't know why. (I had lost 35 pounds after my surgery, but then got pregnant. But when I was overweight we still had a healthy sex life. I think he lost his attraction because he had started seeing OW-- THAT is why he was not attracted to me!)

I definitely was not the most domestic so I have been working on that over the last 11 months pretty much. I still don't like to clean but I don't like it now when the house is not clean. BETTER YET I LOVE TO COOK NOW! And always will.

Neither of us were good at telling the other when we were unhappy or upset...I think I had the issue of worrying about being rejected by him if I expressed a need (this had nothing to do with HIM- it is my insecurity) and I don't know why he didn't tell me what he needed.

We really are 2 peas in a pod though...I think even if we were to openly disagree, it seriously would be like 1-2x month!He is a listener, I'm a talker, he is introverted, I'm extroverted, so I would start the conversations with new people and would ease him in- I brought him out of his shell he said! He made me feel like I could be myself and taught me how to make a house a home.He felt like "home!" We both like to spend our time the same way, have same political and financial beliefs, same opinions about parenting, similar family backgrounds, same work ethic, we WERE compatible in the bedroom before OW!

And the crazy thing is that even when we were drawing up the divorce papers last March, we both agreed on everything! ARRRGGHH! I really hope he is seeing the difference between his relationship with OW and me by now.

By the way. I am comforted to hear that if we R, it will be like dating again! But haven't you had a tough time dealing with anger and grief during your reconciliation?