Good luck meg! And good for you for getting the phone coaching! That definitely helps. Unfortunately, I can't afford that luxury. Don't forget we're here to be your cheerleaders also.
Let me touch on a point for a second about something you asked about in an earlier post: GAL. He EXPECTS you to be sad, pathetic, crumpled in a ball without him. He does NOT expect you to be GALing. When you GAL, you're happy, smiling when you're around him. Distracted by other things. He's not expecting this, so it will make him wonder what you're up to. The main thing here is to KEEP BUSY. It helps to keep your mood up and make him curious. That's why it works.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
Thank you DBurt, Maynard, and Cautious! I didnt want to put the money up for a DB coach either, especially since I do have free resources for counseling with the military, but I felt like DB really resignated the most for me of all the advice i recieve so I had to give it a try.
I sent the letter, I am pretty nervous about it but hopefully it has the effect that it is intended to. At first I got a delivery notice failure that said this letter will be resent in a few hours (go figure! most important email of my life) so I resent it from my work with a read reciept on it so I can see if he actually does get it. I feel like its gonna be redundant for him now but its important that he sees it.
I HAVE to keep up this confident spirit, its easy to get broken down again, but I know if he comes home to a sad, pathetic, depressed wife, that will not be good. And I am tired of being sad and depressed so I need to change that for me too. I dont know that I can do much about the nerves, but I can sure try to hide it. Thanks for all your support!
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
If it helps, think about how he (or rather, his ego) interprets your actions: 1. Happy, smiling, joking: His internal dialogue says "Hey, I just told this girl it's over, why isn't she missing a catch like me?" 2. Sad, pathetic, depressed: His internal dialogue says "Exactly as I thought. If I date around and get with a few other women and decide it's not for me, she'll take me back in a heartbeat. She's nothing without me."
Doesn't sound too tempting for #2, does it? It helps me sometimes to keep that in mind. Other times... eh, emotions take over.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
good point... it sucks that we have to "play games" with our spouses to get them to want to be with us again... at times i just feel like this is so ridiculous! I am young, only been married a few years, it shouldnt be this tough! But then I remember, that if we both have that attitude (as he does now) then we will never make it and no marriage would if people thought like that. I made a commitment and I love him and I KNOW that we just werent working at our marriage and if we did, we could be incredibly happy. But most imporantly, if this journey does end in divorce, I can hold my head up high knowing that I did all that I could to make it work from my end. And that would be a victory for me, and a loss for him.
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
So proud of you meghunny! I'm young, like you, which is why I immediately identified with you versus some of the other posters here (no offense to anyone, but I've had people ignore my threads after I revealed my age, which seems to me like a slap in the face... just because my marriage isn't as long as yours doesn't make it any less important). I've always believed in the "ever after" part of the fairy tale ending.
I don't like to think of it as "playing games", simply because I hate deceit. I am guiding him back to his promises, sure. But I'm also allowing him to make his own decision here, just putting a few obstacles in the way that might favor the path to me. It's not a trap as he can avoid the obstacles, but if he's anything like water...
No matter how bad it might look from the outside looking in, you're doing the right thing. Just keep that in mind. And, should he find out about your tactics later on, just ask "Are you happy? Then why worry?"
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
Think of it has a study in human behavior, the time we want something the most, is when we think there is a chance we cannot have it. When he comes home, make him wonder why you are so happy.
oh my gosh you guys!!!!!!!! he FINALLY emailed me today!!!! I had sent him the letter of release like my DB coach told me, and he actually responded! I am feeling really good about it.... he said thank you for writing me, it was really good hearing from you... then he made some chit chat about different things he has been up to, asked me about the earthquake here in Turkey, asked me if I had heard from him Mom lately and how she was doing.... then said that he will be staying at the house when he comes home and not the dorms but he said "i got dibs on the bed lol" and then said that regardless of what happens with us i hope we can always be friends, and I still think i made the right decision but we will see what happens when I come home.....
So! I take that as progress! still keeping the ball in his court... but obviously missed hearing from me and is thinking a little bit about the possibility of things changing around... what do you guys think?? I replied to him and ONLY answered his questions that he asked, didnt mention anything relationship related, real short and simple but nice... and just ended it with Talk to you later.... now, i know he read that email (read receipt) but he didnt reply to that one, but thats ok i think... i didnt really give him much to reply to....
input on this???
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
well if by awhile you mean a couple hours... yes... but that prob was not long enough... i knew i should have waited until tomorrow or something! darn it! well yes, I will not write him again unless he writes me. but man am I happy that he did write me! now I have to focus on my game plan for when he gets home... I want to be able to post on the success stories forum one day!
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
