I wish I knew how to insert quotes, It seems much easier to write back that way ( In time I am sure I will learn that trick).
I wanted to say as I read above and how much all of this brings back the old feelings for you at times, I admire your courage to allow yourself to experience some of these things again (just to help some of us out). Thank you for that.
You mentioned God sending you back to the site about 3 weeks ago and although you mentioned it being also because of someone your mentoring, I couldn't help but say aloud ( It was for ME and smile) God answered my prayers....as I believe he really did.
I don't even remember how I got to this site, but it was about 3 weeks ago that I began poking around and reading and reading, I bought the book and then began to post.
I know you mentioned before not having young children and with mine being 7 and 5 I have been praying an awful lot lately about this 'move'. I have asked God to please answer me. Is this the right thing for them? For Me?
I know its what the stbx H wants as I think it would make his OLD LIFE just disappear and he would be able to Live in his MLC Replay without the burden of seeing his children. Sadly this is how it has become. He is always SICK and can never seem to make it over. There is always 'something' and my poor children arent used to this Daddy....they are used to the Daddy that spent every waking moment with them and adored them.
I will always Love my H and will never marry again. Even when the divorce is final. In my heart I will always be married to him, I take the covenant of marriage very seriously.
I just wonder if leaving and returning home to where our entire family is will be best. It's very difficult for my D7 when she doesn't see him for just 3 or 4 days.... much less 3 weeks at a time between his visits there once we move.
I want to take care of myself ( healing, growing, learning ) I dont want to stick around and watch him drag my children into his new OW relations, not showing up to see them, putting his new personal social life before them, etc. I need to take care of US since he certainly IS NOT!
He was pushing the D paperwork and needing to have it done so quickly before so he could get a tax credit and buy himself a house but as soon as I made changes to it and stated that the child support would need to be taken from his check each week and direct deposited to my account its come to a SLOW crawl....
I wonder if it is because he sees just how BROKE he will be. Originally he wanted to just pay the kids private christian school tuition but since I see how behind he is even now at their school, I set a boundary (yeah me) and said no. Since then I havent seen the revised papers.
I am NOT getting my hopes us because I know he is filing, I mean afterall he did already tell him he is interested in someone, so I know its happening, I just found it funny to watch him THINK he was going to orchestrate the demise of our marriage as well as make sure the D was just how it needed to be for his pocket. NOT!
Such a difficult place to be. He decides to go into replay ( I think for the 2nd time, (came home for 14 months and gone again) drops the bomb and filed for D this time. I now need to walk away from our Dream here, uproot my children and start our lives over alone back home while he stays here and plays Single and starts his life over.
Again walking away from his responsibility of his children like he did his 1st son.
If and when he EVER gets through the tunnel and really sees and realizes what damage he has done to his children it will devastate him.
I pray for him everyday, sometimes more often than others. I want so badly for God to rush to him and rescue him from this horrific ride he is about to embark upon...but I know better and God will not cross his Free Will.... this is when I get SAD, I want so badly for my H whom I love to know that God is the ONLY one that can fill that void he is so frantically looking to fill by OW/other vises....
Thanks for listening and for caring. Thank you for the prayers as well. May God be with you on your travels.
