Newmama asked me to check in with you and see if I had any ideas. A year is a long time for him to stick to his determination not to come back. I saw a really good movie the other night about different approaches to infidelity, called "The Women" with Annette Benning and Meg Ryan. It portrayed the attractiveness of a woman seriously getting a life.
My instinct tells me that both of you were inconsiderate of each other while you had the relationship, and while you are separated, perhaps neither of you has made significant changes. When I think of married people, I think of bookends that can't stand alone, but when put together, one supports the other. Where one person zigs, the other zags to fill in the space. If I were you, I would start going to a counselor to get some direction in my life. And let him know, as a "oh, by the way, I am working on making myself a better person" off the cuff comment someday. No need to discuss particulars with him. But maybe it will help to break down the wall of determination never to go back to the same old, same old. Perhaps he will think, "if she was nicer to be with, I could live with her again." And then be that better you. Maybe it will attract him to flit around you, like a moth to a flame. And if it doesn't, well, then you are likely to attract a different moth, and that will be better than sitting home waiting for nothing, too.
