and I guess I am journaling here... but I do have other fears about beginning the piecing process... 1) I don't want to go through all of this for the same old marriage. I would want something even better.. Does my H want the same? Is he capable of giving me more? 2) Our relationship can never hold a candle to an affair. Will our stable relationship/marriage always seem boring in comparison? 3) Will all of my anger and hurt surface if we reconcile? Can I handle this? Will he be able to handle this? 4) Will I resent him for being able to experience that 'loving' feeling again with someone else when I havent had the opportunity to experience the same thing? 5) Will I always wonder if he is thinking about her? Is he just settling? 6) Am I just prolonging the inevitable? Have I just become so obsessed with saving our marriage that I am not really thinking clearly? Has this become my addiction? 7) Is there something better in store for me and I am just fighting it because I am afraid of change? 8) I am I compromising myself and my values to save my marriage? 9) Will we be in the same position 5 years down the road because he hasn't made changes within himself.
I highly doubt that he is working at improving himself. Yes, he is in IC...but is this just his attempt to justify his actions. "the IC said I am unhappy and that is why I did these awful things..so I am not really a bad person....I was just unhappy".
