Hello all. Thank you for reading my story. I am at a loss for where I should go from here and any input and coaching would be very welcome: First a bit of background I'm 43 W is 42, 16 years married 3 children 3 10 and 13.
Oct 2008 discover W is having full blow affair for 6 months months. We seperate for two weeks but get back together and do individual counseling. My W says she has been very unhappy for many years. She claims NC with OM (They work in the same school). In restrospect my W changed dramatically while having her affair. She3 wanted to have sex with me every night. She had an awakening April 2009 Discover she is still seeing the OM. We seperate. She continues to see the OM. I went through personal Hell as you can imagine. Who is this Women. May 2009 I go limited contact in order to heal. She wants to be friends. She loves me but is not in love with me. I healed well. August she signs up on match.com I later find out to get over the other man. She does not file for divorce nor do I. We just live our lives seperately. We are friendly joke etc. October 2009 I later find out she is still in and out of the affair and I FINALLY expose the A to the OM's W. The affair dies instantly. The true colors of the OM comes out and my W is in heavy withdrawal.
December 2009 I send her a letter stating that if she wants to continue dating or do match.com I have no interest in being a family for Christmas and in fact I have no interest in being anything with her. She dumps a guy she was dating and drops match.com She still emphatically states she loves me and occassionally mentions the Reconciliation word but to be honest she is still in so much pain for what she has done and how messed up her life is. She went to confession finally and is on heavy meds. She states that she hates the OM but unfortunately has to see him every day. The other day she said if we do decide to reconcile she wants to do it the "right" way and start by dating. (Is that where a recon starts????)
Here we are today. Still freindly when I see her. She opened up about the affair more and more but still is in love with being in love. I just don't know where to go from here. I just lost my job and my year lease ends in May. I will probably have to move into the house to save money. I don't know if I/we are readyf or that yet. What should I be doing between now and May. I just don't know how to proceed in order to make me moving into the house about a recon as apposed to being forced because of financial circumstances. I'm truly lost.
OK, as I'm writing this my W just called crying saying she hates the school and wants to leave and was wondering if I was searching for jobs out of state because she wants to go. (Fight with a teacher (not OM issues) (ummm yep sounds like a runner to me). I'm glad she called though. I did my best listeing and stopped with my usual preaching.
