When you first find yourself here.

[Drew]

gr8 day 2B alive

[*KS*Chick*]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942554

lol I see you found it

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Having to convince someone to stay and DB is long odds at best.

: (

I stay away from Newcomers for the most part. IF when they find their way to MLC Land... I figure they might have what it takes to make stick long enough for advice to seep in. I see Newcomers as a winnowing process.

And the advice, doesn't mix well. Like butane and an open flame at times.

[*KS*Chick*]

I like fire..

Oh wait.....never mind.

that is a good point. I don't know if his wife is MLC. I think he was saying he'd checked out other parts of the board but didn't see a true "fit" with his sitch.

I don't miss those times. God the pain. Blah.

[Drew]

And the advice, doesn't mix well. Like butane and an open flame at times.

I'm not so sure. Bear with me a moment and realize these are only my opinions:

I think the advice for both straight WAS and MLC'ers is similar:

-Establish boundaries, particularly when it comes to the OP.
-GAL
-Work on yourself.
-Don't push.
-No R talks.
-No ILY's.
-Etc.

I think the differences are (in most cases) that with a WAS the "issues" lie with the LBS, where in an MLC the "issues" lie with the MLC'er. I also think that the chances of reconcilation are greater with MLC if the LBS is willing to wait it out.

I also think that MLC requires much more patience than WAS.

But the advice being THAT different? Not so sure. And probably why I don't restrict myself to any one forum.

Comments?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Your opinions bear weight Drew.

I agree with all except:

-Establish boundaries, particularly when it comes to the OP.

I still feel and see boundaries with an MLC at the begining as a great way to fast track them out of the LBSers life. Come across as controling and everything the MLC wants to get away from.

Later? Yes...later.


All the rest. Agree 100% with.

Funny huh? I'm blunt, and I'm saying that Newcomers is a bit more confrontational...

To me it is.

With MLC seldom do good things come from speed.

[*KS*Chick*]

I don't really think it's just MLC that you can't speed through though. If you don't take the time to truly work on you and not just do it for show to please someone....you aren't really making changes or positive steps.....

* drops her pennies in the bucket

[figgeroni]

Jack...I disagree...you have to have boundaries...not so much for your MLC WAS but for yourself.

You need to keep yourself safe most of all

you need to have boundaries
maybe not spelled out like "If you do this then I will do this"
but more along the lines of ones for you...unspoken...in your noggin
I will walk away if they speak to me in such a way
I will not let them push me into an argument

you know
boundaries are boundaries
they don't always need to be laid out for people to find them

[Lissie]

And I suspect that's why some posters seem to gloss over my advice and reply only to those who support their actions.

I hope no one glosses over your advice Drew.. You have helped me & many so much... At those rough times... I remember them being tuff, but thank God I don't remember the intensity of the pain.

Every one here will get it.. Whatever that IT is for them..

They will read the advice and put it to work for them. I never thought in a million years I would be divorced, and I never thought in another million years, I would be so good at being divorced....:-)

Have Faith .

Birds will fly, on their own, and at their own time.. The view they will see will be breath taking and they will know it was all worth it..This journey never ends...It is a gift that will be cultivated for the rest of your days....single, married, re married whatever....

Enjoy the ride.....http://lshs64.com/enjoytheride.html

[Drew]

Point taken.

And I agree with Newcomers being more confrontational, at least more than it used to be. There definitely seem to be more people in the "confront the affair head on" school of thought, then the "don't dignify it by even acknowingly it" strategy.

And to this day, I'm not sure if my ex was WAW or MLC, but you know what?

It is what it is.

Good discussion.