Someone already mentioned you have a good head on your shoulders, I think, and I agree 100%. Please let your head guide you at this point and not your emotions. I want to ask you something : what would you say if I told you "flo, if there is a chance for you and your H, your time slot (as we say in aviation) is not gonna come before 6-8 months pass by?" Would you still want this chance if you had to wait it out for such a long time? And then it would only be a chance, not certainty.
I may sound out of context but I want to point out to you that you are pushing yourself too hard too soon hoping you will get answers. It doenst work this way sweets. I've been there, done that. Spending 20 hours on these boards, consuming 100% my thought energy on my M, eager to listen to others give me hope, analyse, find answers etc etc. It's great you are working with C. Absorve what you talk about and take your time to plan your moves. Do NOT react. ACT!
Think of this as a "pause" in your M. A pause you need to use the best way you can for yourself. When you feel better, stronger, more confident,then you can fight for you M. I am very confident, in cases like yours/mine, couples need to detox from each other. It took along time to create perceptions that arent positive, it will take time to replace them. It's what DBing says get rid off negative feelings. It's making room for positive feelings to come back and grow. Negative doenst mean hostile. Negative in my case was the idea he had we couldnt spend time together without fighting, (forgetting we only started fighting after he fell in love). I tried to change that but I was all over the place, no consistency, anger, fear,resentment hidden not so good, easy for him to sense. Things started shifting when I started letting go. (Faking it at first-fake it till you make it!!) When I started having fun with my friends. When he could see I was looking forward to him taking the kids so I could do "my thing". There was no pressure between us. His isolated words, allthough overly analysed here, stopped meaning it was over or that we were doing better. He couldnt make me spin as much. I started joking about his reactions on here. My lows lasted less and I could handle them better. He started feeling comfortable, he could stay and have lunch/dinner with us... After that, he was in deep sh!t because she didnt look so perfect anymore. Our bond was getting stronger. The stages are mentioned all over the board. Loose negative feelings, friendship, etc etc
You have identified things that were issues between you two. Keep them in mind while you interact with him but focus solely on you.
Regarding your letter, if he says no, do you really have a back up plan? Would you cancel? Because if you have been dependent on him for quite some time, you dont want to repeat history. If your H is so goal oriented, this could be your chance for a nice 180.
Sorry about my English, or if I sound confusing. I will get back here tommorow. H just showed up early today and surprised me. Miracles do happen. Make sure you know what you want. K
