flowmom | need to commit to myself

[flowmom]

Thanks for your comments CG and Freckle...all comments are welcome! I am feeling quite anxious about this.

Thanks for the feedback Freckle. I always get stuck in communicating in a formal way with H and I think that was a problem in my M. I guess it's a way of compensating for my vulnerability, but of course it's a turnoff for people, esp my H.

The most open and communicative that he's been with me was a week ago. On that day that I was visibly upset...and the day before I relaxed a bit and joked around about being excited about the hockey game -- both times me letting my guard down a bit and showing some genuine emotions (though in cautious, managed ways). I have to think about whether being "dim" and "closed" with H is a 180 for me, or more of the same of before we separated (where I was not making myself vulnerable and treating H very cautiously).

About the event location, it's a world class nature spot and the attraction would be going on beautiful hikes and somewhat child-friendly hikes...H is familiar with the attractions of the place and wouldn't need to be filled in on that. It's somewhere that he would want to take the kids, and in this case all the transportation and meals would be organized. He's done it before so he would be aware of the benefits and disadvantages.