Fun is good. I have a goal idea for you if you are up to the challenge. Three solid weeks with no squabbles or harshness even if he starts it. Is it possible? Is there a way to go Ghandi (and quiet walk away, I guess, don't know what you would do about his snapping) instead of stated boundary for three weeks no matter how irritable he is to see if it helps turn a corner? Have you two had three solid weeks of that since this started that did not involve avoidance?
Of course I'm not implying I could actually accomplish this. It's like an Ironman challenge. But what if it helps turn a corner in some way if he's teetering on edge. Just a thought.
Great babystep H4L! What what exactly made it possible to have that playful moment together? Try to be as specific as possible.
Feel like re-posting your DB relationship goals here?
Let's get solution-oriented
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
OK you're on rr22. Starting today, March 9 through March 30.
It is probably going to come in handy as next week is the one year anniversary of the bomb.
More positive movement: If H doesn't blow up at me by the end of the day, then I KNOW we're on the right track. This is a biggie: Last night when taking the garbage bins to the street, I accidentally left my keys and my cigarettes on the hood of my car. Anyone who has read my sitch for any length of time knows these are two BIGGIES for H - keys OUT IN THE OPEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE?! and SMOKING?!?! These are the kind of airheaded things I do that drive H nuts and lead him into all kinds of tyrades about how irresponsible I am and crazy and unsafe for our son - etc.
H leaving for work grabs them, hands them to me and makes a joke. Not one of those demeaning jokes, but a light joke. No anger. He said "Here's a bum's lottery ticket" as he handed me my stuff.
Then he said he is going to try to come home tonight, EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT HIS NIGHT.
Ok, now I know either hell froze over or we are on the right path. I'm really feeling it. I'm still very cautious, have all my boundary tools ready, but I"m excited!
What allowed that? Good question. Really listening to him in MC I think. Owning my issues and then letting him speak his feelings. Then being home with him with lack of fear - feeling truly "as if" we are reconciled (instead of threatened by abandonment, anger, etc).
New goals - I have posted on the other thread = but need refining I will get back to you soon. Thanks gals for keeping me on track. AFter seven months of DB, I think this is starting to take!
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
What allowed that? Good question. Really listening to him in MC I think. Owning my issues and then letting him speak his feelings. Then being home with him with lack of fear - feeling truly "as if" we are reconciled (instead of threatened by abandonment, anger, etc).
Write that down somewhere...that's a tunnel with CHEESE in it.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
also - knowing in my gut and my heart that I'm going to set a boundary if he abuses me again. That I can and will survive on my own if it comes to that. I'm not frozen by the fear of him abandoning us any more.
hmmmm I think I have a greasy feeling in this tunnel - it's quite slippery and gooey!
This is all fab news Hun I'm so pleased for you ODP finally seems to have made it mark. Sorry not around much it's such a pain not having my laptop H is blitzing the study so can't even get in there to DB my iPhone is good for reading but earlier typed a whole long reply to cw misfired the finger and poof all lost, footy on tonight so hoping to sneak on later, huge hugs I'm so proud of you!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
