I guess for the past 2 weeks, I have tried the detach method. I thought I was doing good but as usual when you dont see any change in the W behaviour and more of the same I guess you get desperate. Saturday night I know I blew it again.. Talked R, tried to get a hug etc, and it felt like I was hugging a penguin which just came out of the cold water... Sooo.. since then, back to detach mode.
You TRIED. Nice. Trying implies failure. Don't try. Do or Do NOT, there is no trying (paraphrasing yoda but you get the idea because it's true)
You were doing good but you didn't see a change in your wife's behavior....
Read that part again. You are doing this to get a change in your wife's behavior. How successful is any of this going to be when you're only doing it to get a change in her.
Why not detach for YOU? Get rid of the needy, insecure, wussy, unattractive traits and characteristics you're currently displaying.
Look this is all about attraction, you've killed your wife's attraction for you and that sucks because that is something hard to build back up for people that have been together forever. Here's another point that sucks, it's easy for new people in our lives to build attraction with us, they have no history with us, no bad memories that linger, etc.
No more R talks, no more asking for hugs.
You said it yourself, it felt like you were hugging a cold penguin, mmmmm.... that's sexy fun, love it!
I suggest 2 trips for you: 1 with the kids, choose a destination that is more kid oriented, Cancun wouldn't be my first pick for family vacations. 1 trip just for you, yeah just you, go on a singles vacation and relax and enjoy yourself: you sound like you've always been there for your family both your kids and your wife and you've never been appreciated for what you've done so what do you do, you react out of reflex and try to do even more to work hard for that appreciation and love, let me tell you something, that never works.
They will never notice harder work, more dedication and involvement, if you're always there, it's more of the same and that doesn't register as something that stands out in the brain.
Remove yourself from the situation, do less, that will stick out.
