Your XH is like most WASs here: totally self-absorbed, putting their perceived need for "happiness" at the base of their "Maslowe's Hierarchy of Needs"! I saw a great slogan on a parent's bag in my school the other day. "The Search for Happiness is the Biggest Cause of Unhappiness"! Perfect!
Many of us who have been left continuously examine "What must I have done to make this happen?" Let it go. It doesn't matter. THEY were searching for something they will not find.
Or searching for something they unknowingly, unadmittedly already had. Thank you for this.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Gypsy and I are going to see my son in "A Flea In Her Ear' as Westconn this weekend. Available: Thurs, Fri., Sat., (3/11, 12, 13) at 8:00 Also, Sat., 3/11 @2:00
Interested? I'm flexible & so is she. Let's all pick two dates and see what gels.
Any other nearby Nutmeg Staters out there interested?
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
So good to know that you all have remained "flexible"! I don't know wether to cry or laugh since they are so closely related...might as well attempt the later.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Goodness.. I feel like the fog has lifted. Last week I was inwardly roaring that I had no life, that I stayed withdrawn. Thanks for the consistent messages of my friends here, I started to get off my ass. And it's helpful that the house is being shown more often.
Last night I remember a dream where I kept shedding stuff, letting it go, opening up. Yesterday I decided not to cower and to write the former spouse about a check he owed me. His response was "What about X?" that has no bearing on the check. I've been advised to contact a lawyer if he continues to be uncooperative.
I was fritzing about who to contact.. find a new lawyer, a male one because he does not respect females or use my divorce attorney who I have uneasy feelings about. I'd decided to contact her. If she's supportive, then I'll use her. If not, I'll look elsewhere. However, I just sent the former spouse a note detailing what I need for my taxes. De-Cowering Kathleen.. yeee ha!
Like my mom says.. I take a while to make a decision. A looooooong while. Unfortunately, it seems to be a 9 month gestation period.
I'm starting to change it. A few days ago, I rolled over the portion of the 401(k) from the divorce to my IRA account with the help of my financial advisor. He told me I could wait a few days to think about it. "You said this was the best of all situations, nothing could be better. Let's do it!" And it was done that day!
A friend recently divorced and we talk on occasion. He has a full social life. I'd moan that I'd lost mine as the former spouse no longer wanted to go out during the last year or so of our marriage. Now I accept that socializing is different for a single person. I'm participating in whatever opportunities arise.. like going to play pool with a Parent's Without Partners group, seeing the show with Gardner.. just getting out and about. No more fiddle faddling. Just one foot in front of the other.
And I made my incredible sausage soup and invited a friend over for lunch, too.. spur of the moment. Reconnected with some old high school friends on FB. Just trying it all.
I don't know wether to cry or laugh since they are so closely related...might as well attempt the later.