new information from W : NOW WHAT, pro's please .

[cesco]

Sandi and Mindfull..

It is the same incident, except she told me more of her feelings that I didnt know about that made it worse for me. Its like it stabbed me in the heart. I told her that I really feel bad and that she does understand that I was in a drunken state..


Seriously, I DONT HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM AT ALL.. I AM NOT IN DENIAL EITHER.. I SWEAR.. My wife, mother sister, everyone around me will tell you the same.
My father was an alcholic and I swore to myself I would never be like that.. EVER..

I guess for the past 2 weeks, I have tried the detach method. I thought I was doing good but as usual when you dont see any change in the W behaviour and more of the same I guess you get desperate.
Saturday night I know I blew it again.. Talked R, tried to get a hug etc, and it felt like I was hugging a penguin which just came out of the cold water...
Sooo.. since then, back to detach mode.

I have set some goals for myself now.
1) join a gym.
2) Work on improving myself..
3) taking me and the 3 kids to CANCUN.. in June..

re: trip, I spoke with W about this. She is unsure she wants to come. I told her that I would love to see her there, but not just go because of the kids. Also because she may want to be there with me too!... I know, wishfull thinking.. I think I should go alone with the kids only. When we spoke about it, she tells me she understands why I say what I did.. Do I believe her? dont know..

I need to add another thought.
My W had a falling out with girlfriends etc which I explained in my sitch. One of the things that came up during this new information section, was that she lost respect for me because I never defended her with our friends.
How in the world do I get that respect back?

I did tell her that our friends dont mean anything. I admitted to not defending her, but I told her that they are just friends.
I brought up a time that her father disrespected her in our home one day and critisized her cooking, that it was the same"crap" all the time.
I stood up to her father as I had enough of him and told him that basically if he didnt like our food and her cooking that he is more than welcome to leave. He actually first finished the dinner and then left!!... A@@whole.. I swear. He has never been good to her. Mean SOB!!
W said, yes I remember that, and that was good.

Why is it that only the bad stuff remains in the mind...