Another strange thought as I was driving home last night. What if W called and said she wanted to work on things? I realized I have no idea how I'd respond. Would I be the old Clinging and immediately start pushing, pushing, pushing? Would I let my bitterness surface and make her grovel?
Do you have any reason to expect this or are you just fantasizing? If you think there's any chance (?) be prepared with something like, "Well, this certainly is unexpected. Let me think about this for a few days and call you back."
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I would agree with watching what you are telling the girls. It is hard to do, as I know with my S, but you have to be careful. When D7 asks about getting back together, you could say not right now, but leave W out of it. You need to show the girls through your actions how you feel. They notice the actions more than the words. For example, if S would have to start spending the night with S, he would throw a fit because he doesn't like daddy or want to be around him. Not because I tell him daddy doesn't want to be with us, but because he sees what is happening.
Let the girls be girls and if they ask and you don't have an answer right then ask if you can get back to them later because you don't know the answer right now that way you can think of the best way to answer their question without anything else.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
The pattern to me is she isn't moving quickly by any means. Do you notice anything different?
I was thinking about this on the way back from lunch. Every time I've gotten frustrated or antsy I've done things that push things forward. When I went to see attorneys and then talk to her about what I learned, that just made her pick one and file.
I'm trying now to take things one day at a time.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Drew, you bolded things like "wondering" and "what if."
Yes, I know when its quiet I keep thinking about what's next in the process. It's natural, isn't it. I keep trying to do things to focus my mind elsewhere.
One thing I've purposely not done is call or email my L when these questions come into my mind.
I don't want to give him any reason to add to the billable hours. So I'm waiting for the next move.
Is this not the way to go?
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Do you have any reason to expect this or are you just fantasizing? If you think there's any chance (?) be prepared with something like, "Well, this certainly is unexpected. Let me think about this for a few days and call you back."
No. Gardener, I have no indication this conversation would ever take place. It was just a thought that popped into my head after reading a couple of sitchs that seemed to be turning around.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Instead of worrying about her wish list, make up your own.
I didn't respond to this directly. I have one main goal -- joint physical custody.
Unfortunately, W is set on staying in the house since she'd have to do a short-sale or foreclosure to get out of it and that'd mean having to move in a rental.
So now she wants sole custody and full child support.
So there's the line in the sand.
The other stuff -- debt, retirement stuff, favors me anyway.
I just don't see us agreeing on custody because the house is such an issue.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Drew, you bolded things like "wondering" and "what if."
Yes, I know when its quiet I keep thinking about what's next in the process. It's natural, isn't it. I keep trying to do things to focus my mind elsewhere.
One thing I've purposely not done is call or email my L when these questions come into my mind.
I don't want to give him any reason to add to the billable hours. So I'm waiting for the next move.
Is this not the way to go?
You're getting warmer .....
Sorry, I'm not trying to be evasive, I just find that lessons that people figure out on their own, are retained better than when someone just tells them flat out.
It's hard to see the forest for the trees.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
