Thank you everyone. I know I seen a link at one time to that detachement list. Allen was it you that had that link? If so, would you mind adding it here. Or tell me where I can find it. I thought I remember it being you that told me about it. I think I need to look at that every day for awhile.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
If you answer "yes" to more than 2 or 3 of these questions, you are courting disaster in your marriage by being in an emotional affair.
Are you experiencing repetitive hostility and conflict in your marriage? Do you feel an emotional distance from your spouse? Do you find it difficult to talk with your spouse? Are you sharing more with your friend than you are with your spouse? Do you think your friend understands you better than your spouse? Are you sexually attracted to your friend? Is the phrase, "We're just friends", your rationalization for your close friendship? Does your spouse know about your friendship or is your friendship a secret? Secret till now! Do you look forward to being with your friend more than being with your spouse?
platonic friendship can evolve into an emotional affair when the investment of intimate information crosses the boundaries set by the married couple.
An emotional affair is opening a door that should remain closed.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Thank you everyone. I know I seen a link at one time to that detachement list. Allen was it you that had that link? If so, would you mind adding it here. Or tell me where I can find it. I thought I remember it being you that told me about it. I think I need to look at that every day for awhile.
Detachment list? I dont remember sending that.
Protection phase is highlighted in detail on Penny Tuppy's site. I can look there for some highlights for you.
Keep yoru family and freidns protesting that affair and exposing him... and the point about divorce NOT ending pain is important to get across.
What is detachment? Detachment is the: * Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves. * Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational * Giving another person "the space" to be herself * Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people. * Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing. * Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life. * Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence. * Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering. * Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling. * Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life. * Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point. * Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them. * Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be." * Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Whatnow.......thank you for posting that as well. I too, need this today more than ever. I'm still following you.......you're doing a great job. I know how difficult it is, I really do.
