How (and who) to expose if OP is not married

[4luv]

Allen and maynard...THANK YOU FOR THE TRUTH DARTS!!! Below are the main truth darts from Allen's posts that I will repeat and drill into my head until NC and detachment becomes natural for me. I feel good today and I have my first meeting with FT today.

"you need to set boundaries... if he crosses them, you CUT HIM OUT..."

"When you call him and play these games of his you enable the sociopathy and his affair..."

"You need to SERIOUSLY stop the pursuit and end contact with this guy for now... until you can control yourself"

"If he tries to get into "game" mode just HANG UP... he is ENJOYING your pursuit, he thinks its CUTE, it makes HIM feel better while YOU feel WORSE every exchange, that's NOT healthy for you."

"the BEST way to get to him is to SHUT him OUT ENTIRELY.. no exposure to son either...UNTIL your H is in therapy for adequate treatment don't waste time pursuing him. And you do NOT have the time or the experience to get him into therapy"

"Your plan is still the same, you point him in the direction to get some help and you end contact until he's made headway there... "

"he's very likley feeding off the sympathy and sabotaging it later on... don't put more than one hour into pointing him in a healthy direction...After that, he's on his own there..."

"I don't think he will take to no contact, I suspect he will hate it... that may just be the incentive he needs to change.. I would definitely go for it."


To answer your question Allen about whether husband is sincere about how he is feeling I think he was but I also think that he uses his feelings to play the victim and to get sympathy. Then he uses the sympathy as a ploy to get back on top in his mental game with the opponent (me, OW, etc.). When my dad talked to him last weekend, he said that one of the most critical things that my husband did is that he always used chess or football in comparing things that were happening in his life. To be honest, I sat and thought about how if my husband was some regular guy that I was dating and told me that he was on a date how I would react. I wouldn't react angrily, I just wouldn't talk to him anymore because obviously his expectations of a relationship and mine differ...no need to argue about I just would cut that guy off. So despite the history that I share with husband, I am going to give him the same treatment as a regular guy would get from me with his actions.