I had to post this b/c it is bothering me. My W just left 4 work and she aseemed very frustrated. Usually I would make her breakfast and pack her a lunch. This morning I just remained in bed and let her do everything for herself as a result she ran a little late and got upset in the process.
I understand I don't wasn't to pursue her and push her away at the same time I don't want to be so detached where she feels like I given up and push her away even more so.
Is there ever a case where "detached loving" is not necessarily the best course of action. How can sitting back and letting her do everything for herself improve our situation? All I can think is it will help her see that she CAN do WITHOUT me and bring her closer to leaving quicker.
Your wife needs to learn to be accountable for herself too... If you do everything she just sits around dependent on you.. under your CONTROL
You leaving her to make her own lunch gives HER control of her own day...
NOW, what I am gonig to suggest is that you leave her to do thsi while you do something PRODUCTIVE.. do NOT sit around and play video games while she's making her lunch...
Clean the house or wash dishes or something.
If after a few days she appears frustrated, make the lunch for her. Just casually tell her its there if she wants to take it... do NOT hand it to her with a smile and say I love you ... THAT is forcing your marriage on her... do NOT do that. I think after her doing it for a few days she may realize you ARE helping her in that way and its not too bad.. but ya, I would do what you did today by cutting back on the help... she MAY find help controlling in some caeses.
OIN, you need to understand that a big part of MWD's approach is EXPERIMENT.. MWD has no idea how the response will come out.. she reccomends you TRY soemthing , watch for results, and if it sint' working then try something else... but Ya, I would let her make her own lunch for a few days and see hwo that goes...
If she doesn't want to e controlled, you need to find out where the boundary is... so, let her control her own lunch for a few days .. if it looks like she would accept the help, then make the lunch and leave it to her to use it or not.
