How do I act?

[Cautious]

He kind of has to see how far reaching his "personal" life truly is. When a couple breaks up, it has an impact on everyone who cares about them, and people have to choose sides.

If the military is offering you counseling, TAKE IT! It's your right, meghunny! They might be better at some of this than we are! Your H can't tell you not to take advantage of things offered to you. And you can't do this to appease him. You have to take care of YOU before you can take care of H.

I know you want to keep this under wraps for your H's sake, but you need to take advantage of whatever you can, especially since you're physically separated from your own family and don't have much to lean on. We're all here for you and care about you as our own, but we're NOTHING compared to REAL LIFE contact.

Just don't let him take away all your resources - that's controlling behavior and you do not have to put up with it.