Did you at least get a doggie biscuit? Sorry, I'm a bit snarky today. The only way for me to get through a whole 24 hours of NC is to keep in mind what I DON'T want for my future, and, right now, that is being controlled by my WAS.
Ouch never thought about it until now but you are right. I am being treated like a dog also.
But yes I am getting the doggie biscuit (lunch & dinner etc).
At least we only do this once every two weeks or so. But you guys made me realize I am being way too available too her.
Its a good thing she is not offering sex otherwise I would basically be her gimp. Damn, I really need to GAL. I seem to be way too needy and available and this goes for all women in my life. Nice guys always finish last.
Last edited by g450; 03/08/1008:42 PM.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
Well, my best intentions failed. I ended up texting X last night about S5. It quickly became an argument, in which I was really upset, so I told him I was no longer speaking with him. I didn't specify for how long, so it wasn't even the best way to end things. Therefore, no night out with friends. Didn't end up organizing all this paperwork or playing my guitar either. Pretty much afterward, S5 and I ended up sleeping straight through until morning. I don't feel much better today.
I feel pretty weak, and, though he is still blocked from the phone, I'd be tempted to call him back today.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
Okay, my report is somewhat positive, so I'm feeling good - but anxious. The talking hasn't really happened yet.
Here's what DID happen: Went to drop off S5 at X's house. Saw a suspcious car leaving - LOST IT. Now, many of you would see that as a backslide, and, in a way it was. I asked "Who was that? Who just left?"
X calmed me down and said he had no idea. I admitted I will never feel comfortable as long as OW is in his life (long story to this, OW was using and manipulating X and he was falling for it, I sort of told him that over the weekend during our blowup). He says "Okay, I'll delete OW from my phone right now. I don't need anything to do with her." I said "Been there, heard that." He validated. A hug was exchanged and then I revealed the info I have about OW (close social circles) and who she is cheating on her husband with - along with the cheatee's extensive list of alleged STD's.
He thanked me for not pressuring him to leave OW in the dust and allowing him to make his own decision. OW - I hate to be wrong, but - is GONE!
Well, one is anyway. I know he's got other interests, which is why I have to keep being grey. Anxious about tonight's conversation, especially since I have guitar lessons on Tuesdays...
wish me luck guys, but at least that ONE hurdle has been defeated, if only for now. And, you know, even if I ultimately decide not to be with him, I can rest easy knowing that won't be the future step-mom to my son and will never influence him in any way.
Hugs all around!
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
Convo never happened. I'm not going to ask him for it either. He doesn't get input anymore, he's put me off long enough. That sounds kind of bitter. I'm not bitter, I don't think.
He's trying to break my grey. I have to be better at avoiding that. He's my best friend, it's hard not to tell him everything I think. I refuse to let him break down my plan, though. That's how I ended up here in the first place, not following the steps because "oh, things are getting better, etc." He's not showing all his cards, so I'm not showing all mine either.
He made mention to me that he will be unavailable by phone at work on Thursday. The Negative Nancy in me believes that he's taking the day off Thursday rather than the "work class" he claims he's taking at that time. But his lies are his lies, who cares? Goal number two is not checking his phone records (to which I still have the password). Let's pretend he's at face value here. After all, he went through all the trouble to explain to me that he's only spending time with his boys and no one else (when I know that he's been initiating contact with a female friend from high school, but we'll keep that tucked away until it actually matters). I was the ultimate snoop before, and don't really intend to change that - I don't like the wool pulled over my eyes. But I need to develop some trust with X if I don't want a repeat of our last R.
So, long term goals are to keep being grey (no info about me, STOP ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM!) for 3 1/2 more weeks. I need that clean slate, he needs to worry about ME. I'm not ready to be asking the questions about his life, I haven't got him flustered enough yet. But trust me, I've got him flustered. That's long term goal #2- Start asking interested questions, keep track of what's going on with him. Stay silent unless asked about what's going on with me. #3 - NO ML. Ugh.
Tomorrow's goals: 1. No phone contact (voice or text). Let him come to me. 1 1/2. End convos at S5 exchange quickly and escape. 2. PRACTICE YOUR GUITAR. I'm learning a song that will melt ANY man's heart. Unless he has none. Kinda hoping to play it for X someday, but realistic enough to think that it may be just playing it for S5. 3. Pedicure. I exchanged that one for "buy St. Paddy's Day wig" today, apparently. I look awesome in green.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
Yesterday didn't go EXACTLY as planned. I managed to escape, but politely ending the conversations? Ugh, I was too exhausted.
Did not call/text. Ignored his call, which he claimed was S5 calling. S5 knows how to leave a voicemail.
Today's goals 1. No phone contact (voice or text). Let him come to me. 2. Have a good time with friends from school. 3. Practice guitar or finally get to that pedicure.
At least the goals I'm screwing up on are about selfish things, rather than DBing goals. Gonna be really busy today, which is good, but I also am dreading having so much to do - I hate being overbooked.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
Additional goal for this entire NC period: no more hugs. Those make him feel so much better, like I'm just okay with the way things are, so he can't have them anymore.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
Something I found that works, that surprises me really: his need for approval is overriding everything else, so I've been very vocal about my disappointment with his actions re: me and our son. Not in a rude way, just a simple "I'm disappointed you would act in that way."
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
Sorry, I'm a bit snarky today. The only way for me to get through a whole 24 hours of NC is to keep in mind what I DON'T want for my future, and, right now, that is being controlled by my WAS.