i completely understand about him throwing it in your face that you are ignoring him. They lose touch with reality and make up their own. When I asked my H to leave..he played the victim. He said 'after 10 years..this is what I get'...like I chose any of this? or just recently he got a speeding ticket and I asked him why he didn't let me know. I said 'I am your spouse'...his response was 'oh now you want to be my spouse?'...acting as if- I broke my vows.
I am 34 and don't have children. I have always taken very good care of myself..and him for that matter. I have always had a life of my own. It is hard to make changes when really..our changes don't help. It is their issues..and issues that we cannot help them with. The OW isn't a 24 year old...but a secretary at his office with two interracial illegitimate children..never married..and she had another affair within his office....in debt. Earth to H...Earth to H. Anyone there? nope.
His IC also told my H that he lacked empathy. Besides the A..and depression..my H does not have empathy??? wtf? I am with you on being so ambivalent about wanting to save my marriage. I used to be so proud of my H and my marriage. My marriage has now become a Jerry Springer episode.
One of the toughest things for me was for the past year or so he has blamed me and our marriage for his unhappiness. The new puppy wasn't trained, he was used to being praised all the time growing up and I didn't do that enough, I went to bed too early.....on and on and on. I kept making changes...but it was a moving target. NOTHING made him happy. None of my changes mattered. He was still UNHAPPY. He would just come up with something else to blame his unhappiness on. We had a very nice life and very solid marriage. It wasn't me or the marriage..it was HIM and his A that caused all of this. His IC has told him this which has made me feel a little bit better about it. I couldn't sit back and let my H rewrite our marital history based on his skewed perception of everything as a result of his A. I felt like I have lived a different life than him for the best 10 years.
I am not as fortunate as you...OW is like spare change..always there...and most likely not going to leave his office. I don't know if my H will decide to leave but he just got a great promotion and doubt that he will give that up..but he has surprised me in the past. who knows.
Your H needs to get himself into therapy...clearly this is not about him finding someone else that is BETTER than you and trying to escape the marriage. He is just looking to escape himself..destination fantasyland..and he needs to deal with whatever issues he has..death of his dead..childhood issues..whatever they may be.
