Question about Detachment Sermon

[HeartsBlessing]

Hello dbs,
You didn't think I'd leave without answering you, too, did you?

R2-I'm with ya on that. I did pick up a book on women & MLC that was very helpful for me. My wife is 52, and most of the talk in there was about more middle age things, but then I remember that my wife started to take her journey at 36 and it just seems she's never stopped?

I have heard some interesting stories in times past about women that have spent ALOT of time within The Change..one story I heard was that one lady I knew spent 12 years within, and it was a truly awful journey, as much for her as her husband.

Well, it is possible that your wife took that first part of the journey at 36(the first part is supposed to come between 36 and 39), it lasted for a time, finished..and it is possible she is in the 2nd part of her journey, that is supposed to come between the ages of 48 to 53.
If you think backwards and can remember, was there any kind of break in between these stages, or did she just seem to continue, and may be the break was so slight, you might have missed it?
Something to think about here.

I'm speculating here, what I posted above was based on research I did a number of years ago. I was surprised at the time to find out women were supposed to go through two stages of the journey, at the ages I posted, but yet I went through mine back to back in a period of six years..starting at 35, ending when I was 41. Menopause(which is the physical part) came first, then the Transitional part(also known as the Midlife Transition/emotional change/crisis)came right after.

I was one miserable human being, let me tell you during that time. It IS possible to suffer Menopause, and STILL have a MLC or MLTransition.
Snodderly posted that reminder, it was one of the things I had forgotten; yet I had posted my journey as I remembered it on OP's thread somewhere. When she posted that, and I went back to read, I realized I had gone through back to back..and hopefully, I won't have to worry about that "second" stage part, as I'll have already navigated it.

I don't know for sure...and this is NOT about me..I'm speculating on your wife, in the hopes that this might help you understand a little more if you can remember.

I've actually heard several men complain their wives went in and have not come out; just as you were saying about your wife.

I also know this doesn't always follow "textbook", and can be quite confusing, if you think too hard on the subject.

I have struggled with memory loss since then; some memories come back, some I can't find, some come forward with NO warning....and some, I think got lost somewhere along the way..maybe unimportant.
Anyway, it seems people have to ask the right questions to get what they need; and I wish I knew the right questions to ask, so I could answer them.
This a HUMAN side of me that I wish I could fix, but I can't.

The problem is neither one of us did enough to change what we needed to. We somehow got back to the casual relationship that caused the problem and she left again and filed again.
I can fault me for not doing the work I should have done the last 9 months she was gone.

You are taking total responsibility for what YOU did..and that's one of the first steps to fixing your mistakes.

You're human, not divine, and although a little more time will be added on for the mistake..at least you're seeing it, that's great progress.
But, more importantly, you're seeing that your wife made that SAME mistake, but you're not focused on her; you're focused on YOU.

Things can change. But you cannot waste the time you have to change and improve you, which is part of this journey. There are no guarantees. I remember the day we had a conference call to call off the D. I could not believe she would do it. I remember the first night back together like 2 young teenagers. Even with where things are at right now, they bring a smile to my face, but I would caution anyone, do all the work you can on you while you have the time. Do NOT let this opportunity pass you by. Good luck!

I am not sure there will be any miracle with a last minute call off by her this go around. Still there is the opportunity for me to create a miracle in me by changing those things that are undesirable and need to be changed within myself. Go forward and make the changes you need to make for YOU.

Great advice, dbs, and I see again where you're looking within YOU to see what went wrong. That's another part of YOUR individual growth.

Don't beat yourself to pieces over it; you cannot change what is set in stone, so all you can do is forgive yourself for being human, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and have another round at it. You WILL make it through, I know you can.

Each one of us "create this miracle" within ourselves when we take our individual journeys, making lasting changes that can only make us better people in the end.

You are absolutely right in the fact that the time taken to change you, is NOT wasted time, it's time well-spent; as each of us NEED to do this for OURSELVES, not for anyone else.

As we change the people around us change, even the MLC'er has to change in order to relate to us as we become different people. This is NOT control or manipulation; each one of us are meant to grow into what God meant for us to become when we entered this path to growth and eventually permanent change within.

It is also within this growth that old wounds are opened, examined, the "why and where am I wounded, and what can I do to fix this within?" questions are answered, and eventually, you heal.

Of course, nothing is ever really simple, it's a complicated process, taking us down many roads, many paths, we get help for the things we don't understand, and TIME is a factor, as it takes time to come through.

But, it is worth every minute we spend looking within, fighting the battles, effecting those permanent changes of a lifetime.

You're well on your way.

The love you hold for your wife comes strongly off this post; you have troubles trying to understand what's going on at times, but you still hold on, love, and hope.

There is ALWAYS hope within EVERY situation, and I feel that you're holding on tightly, but still making your changes, fixing your mistakes, and learning from those.
You're reached the end of your rope several different times, but manage to tie yet another knot onto the rope, hanging on tighter.
It's not over until it's over.

I send up a prayer for all each day, that God will strengthen each and every one of you in your journeys.

I hate seeing people go through this..if it was up to me, and I've said this many times, NO ONE would go through this hurt..but that is not up to me, and so I pray.

Take care of yourself, and hang in there; God is not done with your wife yet. Continue to let go and let Him work within her.

Miracles CAN and do happen each day, I sincerely believe this with all my heart.

Have a great evening.